Don't Get Them Wet!!!! (1987)

X | | Adult, Comedy, Fantasy | Video


Cast overview:
Viper ... Beta
Breezy Lane Breezy Lane ... Epsilon
Paula Winters Paula Winters ... Delta
Jerry Butler ... Steve
Mike Horner ... Rod
Jonathan Lee Jonathan Lee ... Bongo
Domino Domino ... Gamma
William Margold ... Joe the Storekeeper


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Adult | Comedy | Fantasy



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References Snake Eyes (1985) See more »

User Reviews

Dreadful, inane exercise in misogyny
16 November 2016 | by lor_See all my reviews

This horrible video was annoying for many reasons, mainly because of the cavalier, sloppy, who cares? approach to porn. So I wasn't surprised to see in IMDb, after I watched it, that Bill Margold is the pseudonymous producer.

He also features himself in a typically smug guest spot as a sex shop proprietor who cackles with laughter at putting one over on customer Mike Horner. Mike is innocently shopping for a birthday present for his buddy Jerry Butler, but Margold trots out a life-sized sex doll wrapped in Saran Wrap and sells it to him for 500 smackers.

That high price, even more astounding back in 1987 when this clunker was released, is because it's a totally real looking woman played by porn's first tattooed star, Viper. Margold warns Horner: "Don't ever get them wet, and don't feed them after midnight".

He doesn't specify the consequences, but Butler receives the present and humps her. The second time he has sex with her she gets moist in the groin from cunnilingus and poof! - there are 3 more love dolls created magically, all covered (at least temporarily) in Saran Wrap.

The XXX sit-com developments of this situation are very poorly handled by the anonymous director of this farrago. As porn fans know, the surefire indicator of a mindless clunker, at least back in the days when Adult features had stories, is that the premise is dropped or forgotten in later reels, because untalented pornographers decide sex is all that matters.

That's the case here, because no more androids are magically created even though the four on view keep getting spunk on them from our heroes. Margold is summoned to deal with the uncontrollable dolls and he suggests domination by giving them orders is all that's needed, but even that subplot is muffed by the non-director (or Margold non-directing himself). He delivers a cum shot, but his dick remains limp, as usual.

Joining Horner and Butler in the mayhem is Jonathan Lee, a particularly untalented muscle-bound porn performer. For cuteness sake all 3 heroes (not Margold) wear t-shirts with the legend "Yellow Snow" on them.

The dislike of women is demonstrated here in spades, and casting of not particularly attractive femmes to support Viper is another indication of Margold & company's disdain for their paying customers. I have to listen to Bill's "free-speech" propaganda on many a vintage video I watch, but he's one advocate I wish would put a sock in it.

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