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Yippee, it's another cheapo action flick. Must be time for another of my 'hilarious' lists. Here we go..
1.All punches, kicks, explosions etc must be repeated at least twice in slow motion from different angles. The makers obviously this is cool when in actual fact, it is incredibly daft.
2. The main character must be a Maverick Pretty Boy (MPB) cop who goes outside procedure and gets the job done despite the constant threats from his superior of taking his badge away if he doesn't tow the line. MPB has an odd accent.. Australian? South Afrrican? Who cares?
3. MPB's buddy will last for around half an hour in which time they will have a handful of cringeworthy 'bonding' moments, before he is blown away leaving MPB to weep over his dead body and VOW REVENGE.
4. MPB's squeeze is played by an actress who must have the most thankless role ever. She's in about 5 scenes, in which she has nothing to do but moan that MPB won't meet her parents and is taking too many risks on the job. Not to worry, they make up by the end and she gets her tits rubbed in a sex scene with soft lighting and evocative musak. HURRAY!!
5. There is a gang of Russians who do nothing but drink vodka and party with Playmates all day long in a downtown club they own. They all seemingly have moustaches and pony tails, but their primary purpose is to provide fodder for MPB to practise his kung fu on. HII-YAA!!
6. The 'evil' guy in the film isn't such an bad egg after all, he is an honourable Japanese Yakuza warrior who only kills the target he is assigned to. MPB eventually realises this, and the two team up against THE REAL THREAT towards the end, a guy who has the most disturbing smile I've seen since Tony Blair shuffled his way out of 10 Downing St.
7. There are more cars in this film shot at then any I have ever seen. The strange thing is, the bullets don't even scratch the windshield, even when the firer is shooting at close range. This leads to believe either no one in the movie can aim for toffee, or the vehicles are painted with a miracle gloss which renders them bulletproof. Hmm..
8. A personal observation: when I first looked this up after watching it, I could not believe my eyes when I found out it was made in 2001. For all the world, it resembles a 1980's picture. The only clue otherwise is the very modern mobile phones used by everyone. Back then, they'd have been talking into bricks, y'see.
9. The name 'Fatal Blade' is stupid. That's why I haven't referred to it in the review, and this will be my last mention of those two words. Thank you.
10. Okay, finally some positivity.. There is an Asian chick who acts as a love interest for the Yakuza guy, and she is great in the part. She even handles some of the ridiculous dialogue with aplomb, and is absolutely stunning in a red dress. Sadly, she meets a rather bloody end, but her presence alone is enough to save the film from the scrapheap.
I can still only give it 4/10 though. Ideal as an aftertaste to a night at the pub, or an excuse to put off having relations with your missus. Now showing on Movies 4 Men. Classy..
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