Van Wilder: Party Liaison (2002)
Coolidge College Newspaper
You don't know me, and that's exactly the way I like it. For four years, I've handed in all my articles ahead of time, grooming myself for the real world... And I, like many of us, defined the real world as everything that goes on outside the gates of this campus. The stuff that happens after graduation.
I, like many of us, was wrong about that definition. It took a man named Van Wilder to teach me that. If I have not captured your attention until just now, I'm at all surprised. Anyone who has attended this university during these past seven years has undoubtedly been to one of Van's parties. He has probably touched your life in some way whether you know it or not.
Watch Van Wilder do belly flops into the pool, but make sure you see he raised $5,000.00 to give the swim team another season. Also don't forget he raised over $6,000.00 for AIDS research in "The Naked Mile Run".
As you are all no doubt aware, Van was almost expelled, but what you may not know is that he was set up by a pathetic, egomeniacal frat boy. Who this writer knows firsthand has a problem with premature ejaculation.
In reaction to this lynching, Van Wilder once again took the road less traveled.
He has put in more effort in the last six days then most of us put in all semester.
Win or lose, we should all be thankful to him, for reminding us what we are all capable of. He taught an uptight, unhappy reporter about life. He brought back her smile, her joy, her passion.
It is simply what he does. He inspires the uninspired.