Son of the Mask (2005)
Loki: I'm a god. I can shape-shift. I can create stuff out of nothingness. I can alter the fabric of reality. So please, quit being a knucklehead.
Dr. Neuman: The Mifulu represent a fascinating example of failed culture. The people of the Mifulu communicated entirely in rhyme, although that's actually less impressive than it sounds, because their language only contained one vowel. Also, if you've noticed, the only artifacts we've been able to unearth are primitive musical instruments. The Mifulu's had plenty of drums, guitars, harmonicas and the like, but no weapons or tools. So, in essence, they had rhythm, they had music, but they had no hammers and spears, so they died. In any case, this brings us to the final room of the tour and my personal favorite, the hall of Norse Mythology.
Tonya Avery: Yay! Yay! Honey, oh, that was such a good show. But, I think you might need to add another character.
Tim Avery: What? Really?
Tonya Avery: Yeah.
Tim Avery: What do you think about that Double A? A little brother or sister? How does that sound?
Tim Avery: Okay, you give me Alvey, and the mask is yours.
Loki: [takes the mask and turns away with Alvey] I can't let go. I've grown attached.
Tonya Avery: Alvey!
Tim Avery: Hey, we had a deal!
Loki: I'm the God of friggin' Mischief, what did you expect?
Tim Avery: Don't you just love Halloween? Trick-or-treat.
Guard: Hardy-har. Let me see your work ID, please.
Tim Avery: [Removes fake mask] ID?
Guard: No ID, no party.
Tim Avery: Where did my wife put that invitation?
Guard: ID, not IV.
Tim Avery: Excuse me. My bad.
[Throws away IV]
Hospital Nurse: [sees a clone of herself under the influence of Loki] Who are you?
Hospital Nurse: Me?
[she screams in horror; in a deleted scene, Loki screams back. He annoys her until he gets stifled by an officer. Once Loki put the officer down, he transformed into a doctor]
[He uses his defibrillators to shock the officer]
Officer: I am breathing.
[Loki picks up the officer]
Loki: Don't you dare die on me!
Officer: What are you talking about?
[Loki uses his defibrillators again and knocks out the officer to the wall]
Loki: [He removed his glasses] Damn it. He didn't make it. There's nothing left we can do here.
Tim Avery: Hey, Loki.
[suddenly picks up a phone receiver and shouts]
Tim Avery: Give me back my son!
Loki: Um... No
Tim Avery: [right before Odin is about to punish Loki] Hey! Look here, Grisly Adams, I don't know how it works in the immortal world, but your his *father*, he's your *son*, and even if you banish him, he's still gonna be your son. Nothing, in this universe is more important than your relationship with your family. I would think it's even more important for you guys. You're like a thousand, he's like eight-hundred, you might as well get it right now and enjoy the rest of eternity.
Tonya Avery: Okay, I'm just gonna say it. That was flat out embarassing.
Odin: Now, find that mask, before I open up a can of lightning on you!
Odin: [in the body of a shopkeeper] You know, Thor never gave me this kind of trouble.
Loki: Oh, here we go again with the Thor crap. Thor, Thor, Thor! You know, father, I'm not like Thor. I'm never gonna be like Thor. I just wish that - can't you just love me for who I am and not for who I'm not?
Odin: No! I want you to be more like Thor!
Tonya Avery: Do you need anything while I'm out? I'm just gonna go make a baby with the neighbor.
Loki: [looks at the mask and sees it's a fake] THIS IS A FAKE!
Dr. Neuman: Yes, but it's a good fake.
Loki: Okay, no let me think. What should I turn him into?
Tim Avery: Who are you?
Loki: I'm Loki, God of Mischief.
Tim Avery: And I'm Tim, God of Crazy-Baby-Land. Can you move please?
Loki: Your son was born of the mask, *my* mask. Where is it?
Tim Avery: Born of the... Oh! So, that's why he can pee like that.
Loki: [about Odin] Off the throne... He's off the throne. That's not good.
Odin: [possessing the shopkeeper] Fool! What in Helveti were you about to do to this shopkeep?
Loki: Nothing, I...
Odin: Fool! Don't lie to me! You know Thor never gave me this kind of trouble.
Loki: Here we go again with the Thor crap.
Odin: As expected, you've failed at your promise. You've failed at your quest. You are, in ever sense of the word, a failure.
Tim Avery: [to Tanya] Wow, and I thought your dad was mean.
Loki: Hey, we both knew it was gonna end this way, right? You practically set me up for failure, so at least I'm living up to your expectation in that regard.
Odin: [surprised] You did the conjuring ceremony, by yourself?
Loki: Hey, I pay attention... sometimes.
Tim Avery: Hey, 911! I already told you. My son is bouncing off the walls. Yes, off the walls, the couch and the ceiling.
[Other line was hung up]
Tim Avery: Hello? Hello? HELLO?
Tim Avery: [to Alvey] Do it. Do it. SING, DAMN IT! SING...
Tim Avery: Hi, boys and girls! I'm Torpedo Tortoise! Here at Animagine, your dreams come true. There's so much fun here for me and you. Animagine at morning, Animagine at night. You think watching cartoons is wrong? I wouldn't be right.
Tim Avery: [deleted scene; Tim calls for Otis] Otis! Remember when I told you I needed that mask? I was wrong. I didn't really need it then, but I really need it now! Okay, buddy? So, um... Go on, boy! Get that mask! Yeah, go on, boy! Get it. Yeah.
[Otis gets his hockey mask]
Tim Avery: No! No! No hockey right now, Otis! And you're the one who brought that damn thing here in the first place! Now go get that mask, you crazy mutt! Bad dog, Otis! You are not man's best friend!