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Tony 'n Tina's Wedding" is the story of childhood sweethearts, who decide the next coolest thing to do after High School is to get married, but can Tony and Tina's marriage survive their Wedding Day? Tina faces "The happiest day of her life" with two dysfunctional families fighting over control of her marriage. Tony is trying to " Keep the lid on it" and escape the day with his wife still married to him.Written by
If anyone can show just cause not to watch let him speak now or forever hold his peace
And I am speaking now. Actually, others might enjoy this movie. These are just my thoughts. First, a summary.
Talk about not seeing the bride before the wedding! For the first few minutes, we see everything from either the point of view of either Tony or Tina. The setting is in or near New York City. One sign says "Massapequa". Both families are from Queens.
Then outside the church we see the blue-haired filmmaker Raphael. Well, the part that hangs down in his face is blue. He is in charge of making a film about the wedding, and we finally see Tina and Tony get out of their cars. Inside the church and for the rest of the movie, we apparently see the point of view of one of the multiple cameras.
Barry is best man and he wishes he could take drugs to get through this terrible experience (but he's not allowed). Don't we all. He is having a baby with maid of honor Connie, who nevertheless continues to smoke and drink.
Tony's father is now with Maddy, a woman who looks like a hooker. This is understandable as he runs the respectable his word) strip club Animal Kingdom. Dad was apparently molested by a priest as a boy and still has hostility toward priests (he hits one, I think) and the church.
Tina's mom is described as Morticia. She is kind of scary looking but the Addams wife (Carolyn Jones' version, anyway) was prettier and nicer. Mom is demanding and unpleasant and constantly reminds us Vito died putting up Christmas decorations. I'm not clear whether Vito was Tina's father.
Inside the church one of the female guests is crying like this is a funeral. I mean really crying. This is apparently a Catholic church. Father Mark, the priest conducting the ceremony, is black, which wouldn't mean anything except he behaves in the style of a black preacher and refers to the crazy white people. When he asks if anyone objects Michael, Tina's ex, tries to answer but is silenced. Michael showed up late and is there to make trouble but he's too much of a wimp to have any success, either at the ceremony or later. The priest is asked to finish up quickly because Tina is not feeling so good, so he skips Mass, explaining that it is hot and the church has no air conditioning.
And it's off to the reception at Vinnie's Coliseum. Vinnie is a standup comic and quite likable. He based the place on the movie "Spartacus" and has gladiators as waiters. The women who work there have on some kind of sexy outfit but I don't know the term for a Roman woman dressed like that. There are also statues which are blurred. I'm guessing anatomically correct statues.
Raphael interviews many of the guests. This is more fun than anything else at the reception.
The reception has the usual comic moments and some very unusual misadventures. I don't see how anyone can drink as much as some of these people did and not pass out, but the results are predictable. Even the priest finally drank after stating he was always on duty. Even a nun who was a guest. And I don't think all the problems resulted from drinking. And it is entirely possible Tony and Tina will not last through the reception.
There is music for nearly every taste. I liked the tarantella and an Italian version of Elvis' "Love Me Tender". Or perhaps he sang the English version of an Italian song. The band insists on power ballads. In some scenes I hear hard rock but don't know where that is coming from. Earlier in the movie we heard rap, but I think that was just those of us watching the movie.
Now my opinions. I did not enjoy this movie. Maybe there were a few good moments but I never quite reached the point where i really liked it.
In addition to Vinnie, Uncle Lui (or Louis, depending on which version of the credits you go by) and Grandma were standout characters.
Was this family friendly? I mentioned the statues. The sound went out A LOT. And when it did, a character's mouth was often blurred. Sometimes this was so bad I couldn't follow what was going on. These people are just plain crude. And there was a lot of blurring of hands.
But some people might enjoy this type of humor. It just wasn't for me.
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