Saint Ralph (2004)
Emma Walker: [Ralph has been caught gratifying himself with the public pool's water jets, and comes in upset] What's wrong, 'Doom and Gloom'?
Ralph Walker: What's the most embarrassing thing you ever did?
Emma Walker: What happened?
Ralph Walker: [sighing] I got caught committing a venal sin in the pool. It was an accident, obviously, a technical oversight by the pool's manufacturer. If you want to blame anyone.
Ralph Walker: Claire has clearly decided to put up the Great Wall of China Defense on me. But I'm positive this whole nun thing is basically a way of denying her true feelings... understandably.
Ralph Walker: Father Hibbert...
Father George Hibbert: What is it Mr. Walker?
Ralph Walker: Producing a miracle is possible?
Father George Hibbert: Like flying to the moon is possible, but it's never going to happen...
Father George Hibbert: I was wondering what your running plans are for the future?
Ralph Walker: Well, what are your coaching plans?
Father George Hibbert: Depends...
Ralph Walker: Well the Olympics are next year, and I suppose I intend to win.
Father George Hibbert: If we're not chasing after miracles, what's the point, huh?
Ralph Walker: I couldn't agree with you more...
Emma Walker: [opens her eyes] Ralph?
Claire Collins: Why don't you try rubbing your knees with sandpaper until they bleed, and then kneeling down in a pan of alcohol to pray.
Ralph Walker: What grit sandpaper?
Father George Hibbert: [as Ralph shows up for his first Cross Country workout] We run in Cross Country, Ralph... Run.
Ralph Walker: How in Christ did I ever end up here?
Father George Hibbert: I ask myself that every day.
Father Fitzpatrick: Old Testament depravity has no place in this school!
Ralph Walker: I can't believe I actually told them that I abused myself twenty-two times in the last week.
Chester Jones: Twenty-two times? And I thought I was going to hell.
Ralph Walker: Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been 11 weeks since my last confession.
Father George Hibbert: All I have to do is hear your confession. Then I can absolve you of your sins, and guess who's pure.
Ralph Walker: Father Hibbert, why didn't I think of that earlier? I could have been sinning all along!
Father George Hibbert: Most marathoners will tell you, around mile 20, they start praying for any kind of help they can get.
Chester Jones: [exasperated] How can you fail a Latin test?
Ralph Walker: I don't have the gift of tongues.