Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Michael Cera: Scott Pilgrim
Scott Pilgrim : When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.
Ramona V. Flowers : This is good garlic bread.
Scott Pilgrim : Yeah, I think garlic bread would have to be my favourite all-time food. I could eat it for every meal. Or just constantly, without stopping.
Ramona V. Flowers : Then you'd get fat.
Scott Pilgrim : No, why would I get fat?
Ramona V. Flowers : Because bread makes you fat.
Scott Pilgrim : Bread makes you fat?
Scott Pilgrim : I know you play mysterious and aloof just to avoid getting hurt. And I know you have reasons for not wanting talk about your past. I want you to know that I don't care about any of that stuff. Because I'm in lesbians with you.
Scott Pilgrim : I have to go pee due to boredom.
Ramona V. Flowers : What kind of tea do you want?
Scott Pilgrim : There's more than one kind?
Ramona V. Flowers : We have blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepy time, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey, vanilla almond, white truffel, blueberry chamomile, vanilla walnut, constant comment and... earl grey.
Scott Pilgrim : Did you make some of those up?
Scott Pilgrim : We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff.
Scott Pilgrim : If I peed my pants would you pretend that I just got wet from the rain?
Todd Ingram : Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.
Scott Pilgrim : What?
Todd Ingram : Because you'll be dust by Monday... because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. The cleaning lady? She cleans up... dust. She dusts.
Scott Pilgrim : So, what's on Monday?
Todd Ingram : 'Cause... it's Friday now, she's the weekends off, so... Monday, right?"
Envy Adams : Basically, you can't win this fight, so you better give up on this girl, 'cause Todd's gonna kill you.
Scott Pilgrim : You used to be so nice!
[Runs towards Todd Ingram, who holds his hand up and lifts him a foot into the air with his mind powers, then hurls him through a brick wall]
Stephen Stills : Um, Scott, we're gonna go to Pizza-pizza for a slice, call us when you're done...
[He and Kim walk off]
Envy Adams : Oh, he'll be done, real soon...
Todd Ingram : [a long bass note is played from the hole] Sounds like someone wants to get... funky.
Scott Pilgrim : Hey so, can this not be a one-night stand? For one thing I didn't even get any. That was a joke.
Ramona V. Flowers : What did you have in mind?
Scott Pilgrim : Oh, come to this first round of this battle of the bands thing.
Ramona V. Flowers : You have a band?
Scott Pilgrim : Yeah, we're terrible. Please come.
Ramona V. Flowers : [sighs] Sure.
Scott Pilgrim : Oh wait, can I get your number?
Ramona V. Flowers : Here.
Scott Pilgrim : Wow... girl number...
Ramona V. Flowers : See you at the show Scott Pilgrim.
Scott Pilgrim : Oh hey it's tonight! At the...
Ramona V. Flowers : Listen, I know I can be hard to be around sometimes. I totally understand if you don't want to hang anymore.
Scott Pilgrim : No, no, I want to hang. It's... You know, the whole evil ex-boyfriend thing...
Ramona V. Flowers : Exes...
Scott Pilgrim : It's no biggie. Um. You know, I know it's early, but I don't think anything can get in the way of how I SHIT!
[Camera cuts to Scott's ex standing behind Ramona]
Julie Powers : So, what can I *censored* get you?
Scott Pilgrim : Is there anywhere you don't work?
Julie Powers : They're called jobs, something a *censored* ball like you wouldn't know anything about. And by the way, I can't *censored* believe you asked Ramona out after I specifically told you not to *censored* do that!
Scott Pilgrim : How are you doing that with your mouth?
Julie Powers : Never *censored* mind how I'm doing it!
Scott Pilgrim : That's it! You cocky cock! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity.
Knives Chau : Hey Scott!
Scott Pilgrim : What the hell...
Ramona V. Flowers : Who is that girl again?
Stephen Stills : Scott dated her.
Scott Pilgrim : Briefly.
Ramona V. Flowers : How old is she?
Scott Pilgrim : Uhhhhhhhh...
[the camera goes into his head. We see a wheel listing various thoughts. The arrow gets stuck between "I gotta pee" and "Who, her?"]
Scott Pilgrim : I gotta pee on her!... I mean, I gotta pee. Pee time.
Hipster Bouncer : What's the password?
Scott Pilgrim : Uh... whatever...
Hipster Bouncer : Cool...
Wallace Wells : You doing okay there?
Scott Pilgrim : Yeah, good, good, good. She changed her hair.
Wallace Wells : So, it looks nice blue!
Scott Pilgrim : Yeah I know, but she did it without making a big deal out of it or anything... She's fickle, impulsive, spontaneous... God what am I going to do?
Scott Pilgrim : Oh God!
Wallace Wells : What is it, Scott?
Scott Pilgrim : I had this totally weird dream...
Other Scott : Oh God!
Wallace Wells : What is it, Other Scott?
Other Scott : Can we skip the dream time? Color me not interested.
Scott Pilgrim : But there was this girl...
Wallace Wells : Girl...
Other Scott : Is this an envy-related dream again?
Wallace Wells : You don't use the "e" word in this house.
Scott Pilgrim : You're pretentious, this club sucks, I have beef. Let's do it.
Scott Pilgrim : I have to pee.
Wallace Wells : Scott, you know I love you. But I need my own bed tonight. It's for sex.
Scott Pilgrim : Right.
Wallace Wells : I may need it for the rest of the week too... and the year.
Scott Pilgrim : Right, I get it.
Wallace Wells : Hey, maybe you can move in with Ramona.
Scott Pilgrim : [pause as Scott shakes his head] She's with Gideon now.
Wallace Wells : Ah, that sucks, but you know it's probably just because he's better than you.
Scott Pilgrim : Ciao Knives!
Scott Pilgrim : Hey, what's up?
Ramona V. Flowers : Nothing.
Scott Pilgrim : Hey, you know Pac-man?
Ramona V. Flowers : I know of him.
Scott Pilgrim : Well, Pac-man was originally called Puck-man. They changed it because... Not because Pac-man looks like a hockey puck. "Paku Paku" means "flap your mouth", and they were worried that people would change, scratch out the P turn it into an F, like...
Ramona V. Flowers : Yeah, that's amazing.
Scott Pilgrim : Um... Am I dreaming? I'll leave you alone forever now.
Ramona V. Flowers : Thanks.
Ramona V. Flowers : Uh, Scott Pilgrim?
Scott Pilgrim : Hi. I was thinking about asking you out, but then I realized how stupid that would be. So do you want to go out sometime?
Ramona V. Flowers : Um, no, that's ok. You can just sign for this, all right?
Scott Pilgrim : I just woke up, and you were in my dream. I dreamt that you were delivering me this package. Is that weird?
Ramona V. Flowers : It's not weird at all.
Scott Pilgrim : It's not?
Ramona V. Flowers : You just have this convenient subspace highway running through your head that I like to use. It's like three miles in 15 seconds.
Scott Pilgrim : Right, right.
Ramona V. Flowers : I forgot you guys don't have that in Canada.
Scott Pilgrim : You don't remember me, do you? We met at the party the other day.
Ramona V. Flowers : Were you the Pac-man guy?
Scott Pilgrim : No. Not even. That was some total ass. I was the other guy.
Ramona V. Flowers : You know, you need to sign for this- whatever this is.
Scott Pilgrim : But if I sign for it you'll leave.
Ramona V. Flowers : Yeah, it's how it works.
Scott Pilgrim : Okey. Well, maybe, do you wanna hang out sometime? Get to know each other. You're the new kid on the block, right? I've lived here forever, so there are reasons for you to hang out with me.
Ramona V. Flowers : You want me to hang out with you?
Scott Pilgrim : Um, yeah, if that's cool.
Ramona V. Flowers : If I say yes, will you sign for your damn package?
Scott Pilgrim : So yeah. 8:00?
Scott Pilgrim : I don't think I can hit a girl. They're soft.
[phone rings; Some Guy picks it up offscreen]
Some Guy : [whispering] It's for Scott.
Wallace Wells : [takes the phone from Some Guy and passes it to Scott] It's for you, big guy.
Scott Pilgrim : [takes the phone] Hello?
Gideon Gordon Graves : Hey, pal! I just wanna say I feel terrible about earlier. I don't want any hard feelings, so I figured, why not be the bigger man, and just give you a call.
Scott Pilgrim : Is Ramona with you?
Gideon Gordon Graves : I dunno...
[to a brainwashed Ramona]
Gideon Gordon Graves : Are you with me?
Ramona V. Flowers : [deadpan] Yeah.
[Scott screams in agony on phone]
Gideon Gordon Graves : Geez, buddy, it's gonna be all right!
Scott Pilgrim : No, I just spilled hot cocoa on my crotch!
Gideon Gordon Graves : Mm-hmm... Listen, as you know, I'm opening a new Chaos Theatre in Toronto, and the Sex Bobs are playing our grand opening tonight, and it would feel really weird for all of us if you weren't there. They just did a soundtrack, and the acoustics here are *amazing*!
Scott Pilgrim : [looking intense] Yeah, maybe I'll see you there.
Gideon Gordon Graves : I hope so amigo. I don't want any more bad blood between exes. What do you say?
Scott Pilgrim : Mm-hmm
Gideon Gordon Graves : OK, laytaz'!
Wallace Wells : What a perfect asshole.
[Scott notices that Wallace was listening in on another phone]
Wallace Wells : Forget what I said earlier.
[hangs up phone]
Wallace Wells : Finish him.
[Scott dramatically gears up, and runs off to the Chaos Theatre for the "final level" as Wallace and Some Guy watch from inside]
Scott Pilgrim : I can not... have... tea.