Madea's Family Reunion (2006)
Tyler Perry: Madea, Brian, Joe
Madea : I told you, you don't know how to lie. What kinda lawyer don't know how to lie? Lie and lawyer go together lie-awyer... lie-awyer!
Joe : Don't do it, don't whup the girl. Don't do it, Mabel.
[Madea began to whipping Nikki with a bullwhip]
Madea : I told you, you! Hey, come here!
[continues whipping on Nikki]
Nikki : Okay, okay! Okay, okay, okay!
Joe : [laughs] Mabel, you're jiggling like Jello.
Madea : Turn around, here! You stop it, you better. Girl, look at me, look at me. Why wasn't you in school today?
Nikki : I went to the park.
Joe : She lied.
Madea : Why was you doing in the park? You supposed to be at the schoolhouse. Little girl, I'm not going to ask you no more.
Nikki : I'm not smart like the other kids. I can't do that stuff.
Madea : Who told you that?
Nikki : My last foster mother. She told me that the only thing I'd ever be smart enough to do is lay on my back.
Joe : Was your foster mother Jennifer? I know Jennifer, I know here. That's all she does used to do.
Madea : Shut up, Joe, I'm trying to talk to this child.
[turns back to Nikki]
Madea : The best revenge you can have on somebody that did told you something like that, is to prove them wrong.
Joe : [scoffs] Best revenge you can have is to kick their butt. That's the best revenge.
Madea : I went to that school and I got your homework... Talked to the teacher, she said this is what you have to do in the morning. So, get up there and get it done.
Madea : Joe. Did that thing just push you?
Joe : Sho did. She don't know about us. We Baptist. We tear this place up.
Madea : Girl, I will set it off up in here. She don't know me. You better be glad you at church. Jesus just saved your life, Hallelu-yer!
Milay Jenay Lori : I'm tired of dealing with black people. Always late. And ig'nant.
Madea : She don't know me. I'm a straight-up thug. I shot Tupac. Yes, I did. We was arguing over a parking place. I didn't kill him, though. No, that wasn't me.
Madea : You know I only go to church for two reasons, weddings and funerals, which one we gonna have today?
Madea : [advice to Vanessa and Lisa about what to do with a bad man] Cook a big pot of grits, bring him into the kitchen, then toss the grits on him. Then after you toss them, swat him with a frying pan. You gotta get you a good balanced weight, toss and swat, toss and swat, Venus and Serena, that's called grit ball.
[Madea sending Nikki on the School Bus and she is telling everybody on the bus]
Madea : Listen up! This here's a friend of mine. And she's been telling me that few of y'all been saying some stuff about her. I'm going to tell you right now; If I catch anyone of y'all saying something, it's going to be me and you, you hear me.
Man on the Bus : Shut up, old lady!
[Madea jumps to him and continually slaps him]
Madea : All my life I had to fight... I loves Harpo. But, I'll kill him dead before I let him beat me.
[turns to Nikki]
Madea : Go on, go to school. Go on, sit down. Ain't nobody going to mess with you... Nobody.
[turns back to Man on the Bus, balls up her fist]
Madea : I'll be waiting for you at 3:00.
[points at him]
Madea : [to Nikki about Joe] Go help that thing find its shoes so we can get out of here.
Madea : Aunt Ruby's 96 years old, she needs to see her family.
Joe : [watching Good Times, Penny's mother's about to take her hot iron to Penny's arm] Just ain't right, she's gonna burn that poor child. Lord have mercy, what makes people so mean?
Madea : Little girl, If you don't stop poppin' that gum!
Nikki : Look! If you touch me, I'm gonna call 911!
Madea : My daughter tried that, I hit her so hard she dialed 9-9-10!
Nikki : You don't know me, I'll whip an old woman.
Madea : What? Who do you think I'm talking to?
Nikki : I'm talking to you... Do you think I'm playing?
[Madea unbuckles up, turns around and starts hitting Nikki]
Brian : [stops the car and stops her] Madea, Madea, Madea, Madea, Madea! What the hell's wrong with you?
Madea : You ain't got no sense! Shut the hell up. Shut up, shut up! Now, sit in that seat. Put that seat belt on, you better put that seat belt on right now.
[Nikki begans to buckle up and Madea sits back down and buckles back up]
Madea : The hell's wrong with these children today? But, all I set 'em straight. You know, I'm from the old school, and I will beat the hell out of you and ask questions later. If you don't know how to get in line, I will get you in line.
Brian : Remind me to never leave my kids with you, Madea.
Madea : Joe, did that thing just push you?
Joe : Sho' did. She don't know about us, we Baptist. We tear this place up.
Madea : Girl, I will set it off up in here! I will do a drive-by in this church... she don't know me! You better be glad you at church. Jesus just saved your life, Hallelu-yer!
Milay Jenay Lori : I'm tired of dealing with black people. Always late. And ignorant...
Madea : ...She don't know me. I'm a straight-up thug... I shot Tupac! Yes, I did. We was arguing over a parking place. I didn't kill him, though. That wasn't me.
Judge Ephriam : Bryan, does she watch your kids?
Brian : Oh, she's actually really good, she's a big diciplinarian though, but uh... they have a lot of respect for her.
Judge Ephriam : Really?
[Looks over at Nikki]
Judge Ephriam : Stand up, Nikki.
[Nikki begans to stands up]
Judge Ephriam : Mable Simmons, since you can't seem to act like you have any sense except when you're caring for somebody, meet Nikki Grady. You're her new foster mother.
Madea : The hell I am. I don't. Aw, hell no! It's a reason why god put a woman through menopause, I'm past 60... you know what that means? After that time you're not supposed to be bogged with no bad kids.
Brian : Calm down. Look, Madea, calm down.
Madea : I'm sorry, I will kill that little girl... I don't know her, I don't she might be one of them sandinistas or something. She might be one of them...
Nikki : So, You ugly anyway, old lady!
Madea : She trying to get me the electric chair already.
Judge Ephriam : Either you're her foster mother or you're a prison mother.
Madea : I'll take prison for 200, Alex. Lock me up, hell, I'd rather be in Martha Stewart's old cell fighting for my virginity than to be sitting there dealing with this.
Brian : She'll be a great foster mother, your honor.