Jason Bateman: Mark Loring
Mark Loring : So... Let's talk about how we're going to do this thing.
Juno MacGuff : What do you mean? Don't I just have the thing? Squeeze it on out and hand it over?
Gerta Rauss : Mark and Vanessa are willing to negotiate an open adoption...
Mac MacGuff : What do you mean?
Juno MacGuff : Wait... No! I mean, can't we just, like, kick this old school? Like, I have the baby, put it in a basket and send it your way, like, Moses and the reeds?
Mark Loring : Technically, that would be kicking it Old Testament.
Gerta Rauss : ...So, we all agree that a closed adoption is the best decision for all involved?
Juno MacGuff : SSHHIT! YES! Close it up!
Mac MacGuff : And this, of course, is Juno.
Mark Loring : Like the city in Alaska?
Juno MacGuff : No.
Mark Loring : No? Hon, shall we sit down and get to know one another?
Vanessa Loring : Oh, I thought I would get some drinks. What would anyone like? I have Pellegrino, or Vitamin Water or Orange Juice or...
Juno MacGuff : I'll have a Maker's Mark, please. Up.
Mac MacGuff : She's kidding. Junebug has a wonderful sense of humor. Just one of her many genetic gifts.
Vanessa Loring : You think you're really going to do this?
Juno MacGuff : Yea, if I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks probably like a sea monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter.
Vanessa Loring : That's great.
Mark Loring : Keep it in the oven.
Juno MacGuff : My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus' wife.
Mark Loring : Zeus' wife?
Juno MacGuff : Yeah and I mean Zeus had tons of lays but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. And apparently she was supposed to be super beautiful but really mean, like Diana Ross.
Vanessa Loring : What are you saying?
Mark Loring : That it feels a little like bad timing.
Vanessa Loring : What would be a good time for you, Mark?
Mark Loring : There's just some things that I still want to do.
Vanessa Loring : Like what? Be a rock star?
Mark Loring : Don't mock me.
Vanessa Loring : I'm just saying that this is - this is something that's never gonna happen. You know -Your shirt is stupid. Grow up. If I have to wait for you to become Kurt Cobain, I'm never gonna be a mother.
Mark Loring : I never said I'd be a good father.
Juno MacGuff : [When Mark shows Juno one of his old comic books] "Most Fruitful Yuki"? What is... Oh my god, she's a pregnant superhero!
Mark Loring : Isn't that great? I got it when I was in Japan with my band. She reminds me of you.
Juno MacGuff : Wow, I actually feel like less of a fat dork now.
Mark Loring : Yuki is bad ass, man. You should be proud to be in the same condition.
Juno MacGuff : So, I've been spending a lot of time listening to that weird CD you made me.
Mark Loring : Oh really? What's the verdict?
Juno MacGuff : I sort of like it. I mean, it's cute.
Mark Loring : Cute?
Juno MacGuff : Well, when you're used to the raw power of Iggy and the Stooges, everything else sounds kind of precious by comparison.
Mark Loring : Why does everyone think yellow is gender neutral? I never knew a guy with a yellow room.
Mark Loring : [about the gender of the unborn baby] Well, it can really only go two ways.
Juno MacGuff : That's what you think. I drink tons of booze so you might get one of those scary neuter-babies that's born without junk.
Mark Loring : Junk?
Juno MacGuff : You know... its parts...
Mark Loring : I know what junk is. We definitely want it to have junk.
Juno MacGuff : Well don't worry about it. My step-mom is forcing me to eat really healthy. She won't even let me stand in front of the microwave or eat red M&M's.
Mark Loring : [about painting the baby's nursery] You could just wait a couple months. It's not like the baby's going to storm in here any second and demand dessert-colored walls.
Vanessa Loring : What to Expect says that readying the baby's room is an important process for women. It's called "nesting."
Mark Loring : Nesting, huh? Are you planning to build the crib out of twigs and saliva?
Mark Loring : [to Juno] You are so young.
Mark Loring : [in reference to Juno's stretched out shirt due to pregnancy] Wow! That shirt's workin' hard.