Andy Richter: [narrating] It was a day like any other day and Byron and I were hard at work writing a manual for the Im-Pickering industries Jet Pack. When suddenly:
Keith Richards: Hey, you guys wanna go see a movie tonight?
Andy Richter: [still narrating] Then, without warning, Byron shocked us with a startling revelation:
Byron Togler: No, I can't.
Andy Richter: [resumes narrating] Next, he rocked our world with something so unbelievable, no sane person could have predicted it:
Byron Togler: There's a 'Taxi' Marathon on TV tonight that I really wanna watch.
Keith Richards: That's an interesting story. You know, I was briefly married to Daryl Hannah.
[Andy and Byron are speechless]
Keith Richards: Anyway, think about the movie.
Andy Richter: Let's never talk to him about anything ever again.
Wendy McKay: Come on, Jake-me-to-the-river, I think there are some popsicles left in the freezer.
[Wendy and Jake leave]
Andy Richter: No there aren't. It's just that same empty box that somebody is too lazy to throw out.
Byron Togler: I did not eat the last one!
Andy Richter: And yet you know that someone did!
Andy Richter: You know what that kid could use? A huge distinguishing scar. That would have really helped out yesterday.
[Jessica scowls at him]
Andy Richter: Maybe one of those metal claw hands...
Keith Richards: So you bagged Marilu Henner?
Andy Richter: Yes. And it was hot and steamy and everything that fan on celebrity sex should be.
Andy Richter: [narrating] Except for the part where she made me bark like a dog. And not a big strong dog, either, a yapping little rat dog.
Andy Richter: I gotta get Jake a jet pack.
Keith Richards: It's in the basement.
Andy Richter: Really, the basement? They have them in this building?
Keith Richards: They got a lot of things in this building you don't know about. Things you don't want to know about.
Andy Richter: I know there's a gym, look, will you get off me about that, I signed up!
Keith Richards: But you never go.
Andy Richter: I'm busy!
Byron Togler: You're not that busy.
Andy Richter: Guys, we're talking about a jet pack.
Keith Richards: Don't worry, I know the guy who runs the storage room, he'll get you one.
Andy Richter: Really? Well, that's great! How come you always know a guy?
Keith Richards: 'Cause I go to the gym.
Jessica Green: He's a twelve year old kid! If my sister finds out he saw a sex tape, she will beat me to death with one of her precious Bibles.
Andy Richter: Well I say we knock him around until he gives it back.
Jessica Green: So your plan is lose him, show him pornography, then beat him up.
Andy Richter: That's the Chicago way!