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"Dad's Army" The Deadly Attachment (TV Episode 1973) Poster

(TV Series)

(1973)

Quotes

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U-Boat Captain: I am making notes, Captain, and when we win the war, you will be brought to account

Mainwaring: You can write what you like. You're not going to win this war.

U-Boat Captain: Oh, yes we are!

Mainwaring: Oh no you're not!

U-Boat Captain: Oh yes we are!

Pike: [sings] Whistle while you work / Hitler is a twerp / He's half barmy, so's his army / Whistle while you work.

U-Boat Captain: [pointing at Pike] Your name will also go on zee list. What is it?

Mainwaring: Don't tell him, Pike!

U-Boat Captain: Pike.

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Jones: Sir? Now that the crisis is past could you ask Private Frazer to take his hand out of my trousers.

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U-Boat Captain: You, old man - you take off your belt and undo ze back of your tunic.

Jones: I beg your pardon!

U-Boat Captain: Do as I tell you - remove your belt. And just to make sure, captain, that your behaviour is correct, zis old man will march in front of me.

[During this exchange, the U-Boat captain ties a piece of string to a hand grenade and then inserts it down the trousers of Lance Corporal Jones]

U-Boat Captain: And one false move from you, and I pull zee string!

Jones: Oh, don't make any false moves, Mr Mainwaring. And don't make any real ones either!

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Mainwaring: [the platoon is holding a U-boat crew as prisoners. Pike is covering them from the top of a ladder, holding a tommy gun. Mainwaring addresses them] Now pay attention.

[the Germans snap smartly to attention]

Wilson: Oh I say, they're awfully well-disciplined, aren't they, sir?

Mainwaring: Nothing of the sort. It's slavish, blind obedience. Not like the cheerful discipline of our own jolly jack tars. I tell you Wilson, they're a nation of automatons, led a lunatic who looks like Charlie Chaplin.

U-Boat Captain: How dare you compare our glorious leader with that non-Aryan clown!

Mainwaring: Now look here...

U-Boat Captain: [Takes out pencil and notebook] I am making notes Captain. And your name... will go on the list. And when we win he war, you will be brought to account.

Mainwaring: Write what you like, you're not going to win this war.

U-Boat Captain: Oh, yes we are.

Mainwaring: Oh, no you're not!

U-Boat Captain: Oh, yes we are!

Pike: [singing and laughing] Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, he's half-barmy, so's his army, whistle while you...

U-Boat Captain: [Points pencil at Pike. The words die on Pike's lips] Your name will also go on the list. What is it?

Mainwaring: Don't tell him, Pike!

U-Boat Captain: 'Pike', thank you.

[Writes Pike's name. Pike now looks distressed]

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Mainwaring: I'm going to talk to them!

Sgt. Arthur Wilson: You can't speak German!

Mainwaring: They'll know from the natural authority in my voice that I'm in charge.

[pause]

Mainwaring: You'd better come with me.

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