Peter Griffin: Sorry but I don't take coupons from giant chickens, not after last time.
Peter Griffin: [laughs at Lois] You said "nuclear"! It's "nucular", dummy. The "S" is silent.
Randy Newman: [singing about what he sees] Fat man with his kids and dog... Drove in through the morning fog... Hey there, rover, come on over.
Lois Griffin: Well, it's nice to have music while we eat.
Randy Newman: Red headed lady reaching for an apple... gonna take a bite... uhh, nope nope... she gonna breath on it first... wipes it on her blouse...
Randy Newman: [pauses] She takes a bite... chews it once... twice... three times... four times... stops...
Randy Newman: [Lois glares at him] Saliva working... takes a long hard look at Randy... Five times... Fat ol' husband walkin' over.
Lois Griffin: Let's get the hell out of here.
Randy Newman: They walkin' down the road... left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, lef...
[Lois throws the apple at him]
Cleveland Brown: Guns only lead to trouble.
Peter Griffin: That's right. And when trouble comes, we'll be ready to blow its freakin' head off.
Lois Griffin: Look, Peter, people!
Peter Griffin: Uh-oh!
Jorad: I am Jorad. I and my band of highway warriors control this territory. Do you have any food?
Peter Griffin: Ah, no, that that's why we're on the road.
Jorad: Then you may not pass until you answer the following question. Name something you take on a picnic.
Meg Griffin: A blanket!
Brian Griffin: Potato salad!
Chris Griffin: Chicken!
Lois Griffin: Merlot
Stewie Griffin: A dead Lois!
Peter Griffin: Ah, ah, ah, okay, ah, we're gonna go with potato salad.
Jorad: Show me potato salad!
[points at sky. Peter and Lois look. Jorad and Highway warriors look]
Peter Griffin: [whispers] Maybe we should go now.
[Peter and Lois back away slowly]
Guy Handing Out Coupons: [to Peter, he holds a coupon out, dressed as a chicken] Excuse me, sir, would you like a coupon?
Peter Griffin: Oh, no, thank you, I don't trust giant chickens any more.
[goes to flashback]
Peter Griffin: Oh, uh, the nice chicken outside gave me a coupon.
Cashier: [looks at coupon] Oh, I'm sorry but this coupon expired yesterday.
Peter Griffin: [Peter looks at chicken outside] Son of a...
[jumps out window and tackles the chicken]
Peter Griffin: [Peter is trying to convince Lois that the world is ending and trying to get her to go to the basement, but Lois is refusing] Honey, are you pregnant?
Lois Griffin: No, why?
[Shoves Lois down the stairs]
[Peter has just eaten all the dehydrated food rations]
Lois Griffin: Peter, you just ate a year's worth of food!
Peter Griffin: Huh. What a waste of money. I'm still hungry.
[Peter drinks a glass of water, then immediately balloons to several times his size]
Peter Griffin: Everybody leave. I have to poop. *NOW!*
[the family runs away]
Meg Griffin: Yeah, why are we here in this bomb shelter when I could be getting felt up by Kevin?
Lois Griffin: Now don't give it to him all at once, honey, make him work for it.
[a U.S. map at a military base shows 'Happy New Year' lit up on the map]
Military Sergeant: Very nice, lieutenant.
Military Tech Guy: Actually, all of those lights represent missiles that went off. The pattern is just a coincidence.
Military Sergeant: Come to think of it, that Y is a bit off. Still, it looks nice.