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"Get Smart" Hello, Columbus - Goodbye, America (TV Episode 1970) Poster

Quotes

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Upper Gemini: Don't take another step. We are KAOS agents Gemini.

Maxwell Smart: What do you want?

Upper Gemini: Information. Tell us what we wanna know, or you die.

Maxwell Smart: You're wasting your time. Besides, do you know who this man is? This is Gino Columbus, the new owner of the United States.

Upper Gemini: That's what we wanted to know.

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Victor Borgia: My name is Borgia.

Maxwell Smart: Borgia! Of course! You're the man who poisoned 23 people and a pair of parakeets.

Victor Borgia: No Mr. Smart.

Maxwell Smart: 23 parakeets and a pair of people?

Victor Borgia: I am Borgia of KAOS.

Maxwell Smart: Ok, I'll accept that, but don't expect to have a drink with my bird.

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Gino Columbus: I tell you what I'm gonna do. If you let me go, I'm gonna give you a nice present. I give you Pittsburgh.

Victor Borgia: We don't want Pittsburgh.

Maxwell Smart: That's funny. Neither does Pennsylvania.

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Gino Columbus: Mama mia, what's he got in his pocket, a printing-a press?

Maxwell Smart: Must be a duplicating machine, the copies are getting lighter.

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Maxwell Smart: [looking at Sunflowers by Van Gogh] What would you say that is worth, 99?

Agent 99: Oh, a lot, Max, that's a Van Gogh.

Maxwell Smart: Isn't he the guy that cut off his own ear?

Agent 99: Right. He send it to his girlfriend. He must really have loved her a lot.

Maxwell Smart: Either that or he hated his ear.

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Chief: I know this is going to come as a shock, but that painting, and every painting in this museum, belongs to the man they work for.

Agent 99: But Chief, everything in this museum belongs to the United States.

Chief: That's the trouble, 99. The man they work for owns the United States.

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Maxwell Smart: Columbus, I'm Smart.

Gino Columbus: Ok, how much is-a two and two?

Maxwell Smart: [thinks for a moment] Four.

Gino Columbus: [chuckles] He's smart all right!

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Maxwell Smart: You'll never get away with it, Chief, I don't look like Columbus, I don't even speak Italian.

Larabee: Besides, Chief, at Control training school Max flunked torture three years in a row.

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Victor Borgia: I sympathize with you. I too require constant stoking of the human furnace to function properly.

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Victor Borgia: Where's the pen?

Upper Gemini: He must have ate it.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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