Chief: [opens violin case] This is the Narco 5-12...
Maxwell Smart: I recognized it immediately.
Chief: ...A weapon so new that no one has ever seen it before.
Larabee: [having hypnotized the Chief] Well, I want a raise, a few weeks off, a new car... and I think I would like your office. Yes, yes, I'd like that. You can take mine. And I want the location and the key to the secret executive wash-room. I'd like that. I'd love that. And...
Chief: We're all familiar with the shock wave of a sonic boom, which occurs when an aircraft breaks the sound barrier. Now if you take that energy and amplify it ten thousand times, and confine it in a small area, can you imagine the results you'd get?
Maxwell Smart: A rock & roll festival?
Chief: It's not quite that bad, Max.
Agent 99: Max! To forget that you've robbed a safe is one thing, but to forget that you've kissed your wife... I don't think that's very nice.
The Whip: Old Chinese saying: punishment is companion of failiure.
The Whip: [whips Abe Fu Yung four times] That's enough. Be glad I'm in a happy mood today.
Maxwell Smart: You don't suppose for one single moment that I'd allow these precious hands...
Maxwell Smart: [kisses 99's hand] ... to wash dishes?
Agent 99: [Larabee walks in on Max & 99 kissing passionately] Yes, Larabee?
Agent 99: What did you want?
Larabee: I forgot.
Agent 99: Goodbye, Larabee.
Larabee: Can I watch while I'm trying to remember?
Maxwell Smart: What do you mean, 'that's Max al right', that couldn't possibly be me. I didn't steal the Farco 9-12.
Chief: It's not the Farco 9-12, it's the Marco 5-12.
The Whip: See, like I told you. Gun is like wife's brother: do not work.