M*A*S*H (1972–1983)
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I Hate a Mystery 

Hawkeye finds himself investigating a rash of petty thefts in the camp.


Hy Averback


Hal Dresner, Larry Gelbart (developed for television by)

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Episode complete credited cast:
Alan Alda ... Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce
Wayne Rogers ... Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre
McLean Stevenson ... Lt. Col. Henry Blake
Loretta Swit ... Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan
Larry Linville ... Maj. Frank Burns
Gary Burghoff ... Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly
Timothy Brown ... Capt. Oliver Harmon 'Spearchucker' Jones
Patrick Adiarte ... Ho-Jon
William Christopher ... Father Francis Mulcahy
Bonnie Jones Bonnie Jones ... Lt. Barbara Bannerman
Linda Meiklejohn Linda Meiklejohn ... Lt. Leslie Scorch
Odessa Cleveland ... Lt. Ginger Bayliss, RN


Men of medicine, like the Swamp Rats, are supposed to excel at curing rashes. But, when the rashes are not itchy, red bumps but result in ill-gotten booty (or ill-booten gotty) found in Hawkeye's footlocker, the consequences can be serious. It is no laughing matter when your best friends think you could be a thief, when you are relentlessly pursued by a bush and a malicious P.A. system and needle-nose non-comms count the scalpels faster than you can wield them. Hawkeye is the past master of pranks and immature behavior; no one is really surprised. But, if Hawkeye is telling the truth and he is not playing a joke on the entire camp, then there must be a thief at the 4077. It will take some quick hands to beat Hotlips and her Court Martial forms... Written by LA-Lawyer

Plot Summary | Plot Synopsis

Plot Keywords:

theft | See All (1) »


Comedy | Drama | War



Parents Guide:

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Release Date:

26 November 1972 (USA) See more »

Company Credits

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Technical Specs


Sound Mix:

Mono (RCA Sound Recording)



Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1
See full technical specs »

Did You Know?


When Hawkeye enters the Swamp, and lays down on his cot, you can clearly see a pair of Long John's hanging on the bar at the end of his cot! This is funny, because in season 1 episode 19, "The Long John Flap" Hawkeye is wearing a pair of Long John's that his father sent him. Everyone else wants these, because the army didn't supply them! See more »


In the closing scene, Father Mulcahy is speaking, saying "...it was after he returned to the garden he discovered that three of his disciples were missing." Presuming he's talking about Jesus and the garden of Gethsemane, he didn't return to find them missing, but to find them sleeping. While this is done for the comedic effect to set up Hawkeye's response, it's still not a mistake or misrepresentation a priest would make. See more »


[first lines]
Capt. 'Spearchucker' Jones: [slapping down a poker discard] One.
Hawkeye: One?
Capt. 'Spearchucker' Jones: One.
Hawkeye: [to Trapper] Can you believe this guy? He asks for one.
Capt. 'Spearchucker' Jones: Will you just deal?
See more »


References Les Misérables (1909) See more »


I'm in the Mood for Love
Music by Jimmy McHugh
Played on the radio
See more »

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User Reviews

Falls Short Somehow (And I"m Not Talking About Radar)
21 February 2015 | by HitchcocSee all my reviews

Thefts abound in the 4077. Because the items taken from numerous cast members are found in Hawkeye's foot locker, he is blamed and becomes the pariah of the camp. Of course, Frank and Margaret already have the court martial papers ready for Henry to sign. It is up to Hawkeye to hunt down the real crook. While he does this, Radar is at work, following his every footstep, even impersonating a bush. Eventually, we get to the classic Agatha Christie drawing room scene (even though there is no drawing room), where the master detective runs through all the suspects and their potential motives and arrives at the conclusion. The final deduction is rather a disappointment, especially the reactions of the theft victims.

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