Herman Munster: Young man, I think we're just gonna have to suspend some of your privileges. No more standing in the closet, no more sleeping in Spot's cage and from now on every night, you're going to have to go to bed while it's still dark.
Grandpa: Isn't that a little severe, Herman? Why, you're positively inhuman.
Grandpa: What's the matter with him?
Lily Munster: You know how squeamish Herman is. He always faints at the sight of oil.
Herman Munster: I haven't been so shocked since the last time I sat in Grandpa's chair.
Lily Munster: [slightly annoyed] What is so funny?
Herman Munster: It's this joke book. Listen to this one, Lily, It'll kill ya.
Lily Munster: Well, it's a little late for that, but go ahead.
Marilyn Munster: [on the phone] Aunt Lily's not here. She's gone to the dentist to have her teeth filed.
Mr. Taggert: What is that?
Grandpa: That's Eddie's robot. He made it all by himself.
Mr. Taggert: Nothing but a pile of tin cans. Succotash, Baked Beans, Harvard Beets.
Grandpa: It's amazing what you can do with leftovers.
Mr. Balding: Good grief, Taggert. Don't tell me you've become a beatnik at your age?
Mr. Taggert: I have just come from the Munster's house and I was lucky to escape with my life. Any boy who comes from that background has got to be a delinquent. You should see the boy's grandfather. He looks like a fat Jack the Ripper!
Herman Munster: [about Eddie's robot] That's amazing. If the top of his head was a little flatter, he'd look possitively human.
Lily Munster: Herman, if you hadn't spend so much time reading that joke book, we could have been here an hour ago.
Herman Munster: Sorry dear, but you know how hard it is to put a book down in the middle of a joke.
The Second Man: Alice, why can't our Sidney built something like that? He's sixteen years old, he can barely wave bye bye.
Grandpa: Well, that's as much as I can do. Now it's all up to that Big Mechanic in the sky.
Grandpa: [Eddie's robot has exploded] I'm sorry Eddie, I've let you down. It's all my fault.
Eddie Munster: What am I gonna do?
Herman Munster: There's nothing to do. I'll just go out and explain.
Eddie Munster: [Eddie tugs his fathers coat] No dad, that's my job.