Sam: [chuckles] Al's uncle?
Al, the Bartender: [smiles] I've always found coincidence amusing.
Sam: And you still want me to believe that I'm, leaping me.
Al, the Bartender: Sam, if you became a priest...
Sam: I've been a priest...
Al, the Bartender: So you have. If the priesthood had been your chosen life, even though the Church might sent you from parish to parish, don't you have to accept responsibility for the life you lead?
Sam: Even priests can quit.
Al, the Bartender: That's true. But they can also take sabbaticals, especially before embarking on a difficult new assignment.
Sam: Are you saying the Leaps are going to get tougher?
Al, the Bartender: [putting his hand on Sam's shoulder] Where would you like to go, Sam?
[wiping a tear away from his eye]
Sam: I'd like to go home. But I can't. Can I? I've got a wrong to put right for Al. You knew, didn't you?
Al, the Bartender: [smiles] God bless, Sam.
[Sam Leaps for the Final Time]
[Ziggy describes the feeling of shooting a machine gun]
Ziggy Ziganovich: Empty cabbages fly everywhere.
Sam: You mean empty cartridges.
Ziggy Ziganovich: Yeah, that too.
Sam: [after seeing his own face in the mirror for the first time in five years] I've got gray hair! And look at these crow's feet!
Al, the Bartender: At the risk of over inflating your ego Sam, you've done more. The lives you've touched, touched others. And those lives, others! You've done a lot of good Sam Beckett. And you can do a lot more.
Sam: Captain Galaxy?
Ziggy Ziganovich: No, it's Captain Z-Ro. Is there a Captain Galaxy too?
Ziggy Ziganovich: It must be on channel 8. Al don't get channel 8 so good. Only sometimes late at night, when the signal bounces off the iodine layer.
Sam: You mean the ionosphere. The signal bounces off the ionosphere.
Ziggy Ziganovich: Yeah, that too.
Al, the Bartender: You're not here to save them.
Sam: How did you know what I was thinking?
Al, the Bartender: A good bartender has to be part philosopher, part psychiatrist, part psychic.
Sam: Al, I'd like to talk to the philosopher part.
Al, the Bartender: I just stick to the basics.
Sam: Okay, okay. "To be or not to be," "I think therefore I am," That sort of thing?
Al, the Bartender: Uh-huh.
Sam: Uh-Huh. Why am I here?
Al, the Bartender: Why do you think you're?
Sam: No, no, no, no. That's answering a question with a question. That's psychiatrist stuff, all right? We're talking philosophy. Now why am I here?
Al, the Bartender: You're beginning to think you're here to save Tonchi and Pete.
Sam: But I'm not.
Al, the Bartender: Not directly.
Sam: What about indirectly?
Al, the Bartender: Who knows what Don Quixote can accomplish?
Sam: Who are you?
Al, the Bartender: Bartender.
Sam: Who knows everything?
Al, the Bartender: Only God knows everything.
Al, the Bartender: [laughs]
Al, the Bartender: You don't really think I'm god, do you?
Sam: You're more than just a bartender.
Al, the Bartender: Well that's true. I own the place too.
Al, the Bartender: Maybe he's here for the same reason you are; to have a beer.
Stawpah: I never drink beer Al. You know that.
Al, the Bartender: That's right, I forgot.
Stawpah: You never forget nothing Al. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if you did forget.
Al, the Bartender: Things might go a little ca-ca.
Ziggy Ziganovich: Don't let Stawpah get your goat. He forgets he's not in Russia anymore, where everybody works for the the BVD.
Sam: You mean the KGB.
Ziggy Ziganovich: Yeah...
Ziggy Ziganovich: That too.
Sam: So Al comes up with al the nick names around here?
Stawpah: Why you need to know about our nicknames?
Sam: I need it for my BVD report.
Sam: Why did you tell I was Safety Inspector?
Stawpah: Company men like Collins make me cripple, so I make him sweat.
Sam: Look Stawpah. You've got a lot to be bitter about. But how is sweating Collins gonna help Tonci and Pete down there?
Stawpah: You're right. I need find way get them out this time. They cold, wet, scared. Pete real scared 'cause he no can see his brother.
Sam: What about their lamps?
Stawpah: Carbide lamp burn air, so Tonchi put it out. It black like coal down there. but that not worst thing. Worst thing is water. Pump no work in bottom. Water already up to Tonchi belt. We no get them out soon, they no come out.
Sam: How do you know all this?
Stawpah: I been there. Too many times.
Sam: [v.o] I had thought Stawpah's pain had turned him bitter and blind to anyone's plight but his own. I was wrong. He needed to save Tonchi and Pete as much as I did. Maybe more.