Michael Novotny : Right after my mother told me I was gay,she gave this big safe sex lecture. I knew how to put a condom on a cucumber before I knew how to drive.
Professor Ben Bruckner : Yeah, well, you know I was going to ask you out tonight, but now I'm not so sure.
Michael Novotny : Why not?
Professor Ben Bruckner : Well, Michael keep as a cucumber is a lot to live up to.