Earl Hickey: Hey Donny, what can I trade you for a TV?
Donny Jones: Give me your wife.
Earl Hickey: I'm not giving you my wife. Pick a snack food.
Donny Jones: Marshmallow fluff... smeared on your wife.
Earl Hickey: Donny...
Donny Jones: Okay. I'll give you a TV. But you gotta owe me one favor. And I get to ask for that favor anytime I want, and you can't say no, and you can't ask what the favor is gonna be.
Earl Hickey: Is the favor giving you my wife?
Donny Jones: Yup.
Earl Hickey: Forget it.
Randy Hickey: [a chess set] Cool! It's one of them checker sets but for smart people and gays.
Joy: [opening a stolen Christmas gift] If this is another damn thesaurus, I'm gonna track down those dumb, stupid... dumb people... and teach them how to buy a proper gift.
Earl Hickey: Randy, I told you: No robot dogs. We can only afford the things we need to survive.
Randy Hickey: But I already filled out the adoption papers.