Jack Moriarty: You think that the only truth that matters is the truth that can be measured. Good intentions don't count. What's in your heart doesn't count. Caring doesn't count. But a man's life can't be measured by how many tears are shed when he dies. Just because you can't measure them, just because you don't want to measure them, doesn't mean it's not real. And even if I'm wrong, you're still miserable. Did you really think that your life's purpose was to sacrifice yourself and get nothing in return? No. You believe there's no purpose.
Dr. Gregory House: He's got a temperature of 103.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And why do we care?
Dr. Gregory House: Because we're human beings. It's what we do.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, I always say: if you're gonna get shot, do it in a hospital.
Jack Moriarty: [to House] I was a patient of yours.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, well, if you want to leave the chocolates downstairs...
Jack Moriarty: [pulls out a gun and shoots House in the stomach; the team tries to help House] Stay! Stay away from him! Shocking, isn't it? Who'd want to hurt you?
[shoots House again]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [enters Exam Room One where Cuddy is with a patient] Working!
Dr. Gregory House: We need to talk.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [turns to face him] Get back to the ICU! Who uncuffed you?
Dr. Gregory House: [holding his surgical papers] Why would a surgeon administer Ketamine?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [hesitates for a bit] Who showed you your surgical file?
Dr. Gregory House: How do you know it's mine?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Because your patient hasn't had surgery and you don't care about anybody else.
Dr. Gregory House: My anesthesia was almost nonexistent
[raises his eyebrows]
Dr. Gregory House: and yet I wasn't awake. For some reason, somebody decided to put me in a dissociative coma instead of just putting me out.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: There are plenty of reasons to use...
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. I'll go beat the truth out of my surgeon.
Dr. Gregory House: Gillick, right?
[turns to leave; Cuddy watches him go and observes him walking down the hallway, sans the cane assisting him; sentimental music plays as he walks]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [still staring emotionally] It worked.
[House turns shocked and confused]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: There's a clinic in Germany. They've been treating chronic pain by inducing comas and letting the mind basically reboot itself. There's about a 50% chance your pain will come back, which of course means there is a 50% chance that it won't.
Dr. Gregory House: [slowly turns to anger and walks toward her] You had no right...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: To heal you?
Dr. Gregory House: You messed with my brain!
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [angry] Why are you so upset? Are you experiencing any neurological symptoms? Dizziness? Tremors? Hallucinations?
Dr. Gregory House: No.
Dr. Gregory House: It's a point of principle.
[turns to leave]
Dr. Eric Foreman: [at House's hospital bed] Test was negative.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No trash against the fence.
[looks at his papers]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Is your leg really better?
Dr. Gregory House: [distracted] Don't worry. I'm sure something else is wrong.
Dr. Robert Chase: We did find blood.
[House looks up and eyes Chase]
Dr. Gregory House: On which side?
Dr. Robert Chase: [walking around] The wrong side.
Dr. Gregory House: First thing that makes sense.
Dr. Robert Chase: The wrong side's the wrong side. It can't make sense.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It'd mess with his brain. Wouldn't cause fever.
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's been sleeping a lot lately.
Dr. Gregory House: [looks up at her] You worried? I marked a change of meds on his chart.
Dr. Gregory House: Foreign object. Body wants to get rid of it. It causes the fever.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [in monotone disbelief] Blood's a foreign object?
Dr. Eric Foreman: In the brain lining, it is. Blood dyscrasia means cancer.
Dr. Gregory House: Find it.
Dr. Allison Cameron: All the tests...
Dr. Gregory House: Have been negative! What do you do if your trash cans are full? You use your neighbor's trash cans. Except it's still light outside. Your neighbor will see you. So you go out the back way, into an alley and drop off your trash by their garage.
Dr. Robert Chase: We'll check the lymphatic system in the chest.
[turns and starts walking]
Dr. Gregory House: [looks at him astonished] You got that from trash cans in the alley?
Dr. Robert Chase: [stops to speak] The saliva glands from the tongue are connected to the lymphatic system in the lungs. It's the next lymphatic system over.
Dr. Gregory House: [scans the team] Yeah. Go get lung lymph.
Jack Moriarty: [woken up] How did he know that?
Dr. Gregory House: I wouldn't have hired him if he wasn't smart.
Jack Moriarty: Right. Because you have nothing but respect for him. Maybe he knew the answer because the question wasn't nearly as tricky as you thought.
[House considers this]
Jack Moriarty: Maybe he's not getting smarter. You're getting dumber.
[cut to a surgery; back to Moriarty and a fake sleeping House]
Jack Moriarty: You pretend to buck the system. Pretend to be a rebel. You claim to hate rules. But all you do is substitute your own rules for society's and it's a nice, simple rule. Tell the blunt, honest truth in the starkest, darkest way and what will be will be. What will be should be. And everyone else is a coward, but you're wrong. It's not cowardly to not call someone an idiot. People aren't tactful or polite just because it's nice. They do it because they've got an ounce of humility. Because they know that they will make mistakes and they know that their actions have consequences and they know that those consequences are their fault. Why do you want so bad not to be human, House?
[Cameron and Foreman come back in]
Jack Moriarty: Oh, he's awake.
Dr. Allison Cameron: House, we need to talk to you.
Dr. Gregory House: [eyes still closed] How the hell did you know I was awake?
Jack Moriarty: Your nostrils flare when you sleep.
Dr. Gregory House: Tell Cuddy I want Ketamine.
Dr. Gregory House: I can run like the wind, but I can't think.
Dr. Gregory House: I got shot. Diagnostically boring. Big fat tongue, on the other hand: endlessly entertaining.
Dr. James Wilson: If you could think of everything yourself, you wouldn't need a team to annoy.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Next time you get shot, I promise to only treat the bullet wounds.
Dr. Gregory House: How come you guys have never tried to yank me off this case? I'm having hallucinations. Blackouts.
Dr. Eric Foreman: But you're always insane and you're always right.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm *almost* always *eventually* right.
Jack Moriarty: You don't care if you live or die?
Dr. Gregory House: I care because I live. I can't care if I'm dead.
Dr. Gregory House: Getting shot is not an FDA-approved treatment for anything.
Dr. Gregory House: [to Vince] People suck. People are why you have one eye, one ball and a stapled-on face.
Dr. Gregory House: [having demonstrated robotic accuracy by cutting open Cameron's blouse] Seen enough?
Dr. Gregory House: [Wilson is slowly walking a treadmill] What if it was the surgery?
Dr. James Wilson: What if it was the fact that you tore out your stitches and lost two pints of blood?
Dr. Gregory House: [thinks] Why did Gillick give me ketamine during my surgery?
[looks at Wilson in hope for an answer]
Dr. Gregory House: [to Cameron] You're pathetic. Judging by the growth, I'd say I've been unconscious for two days. You've been sitting there the whole time.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No.
Dr. Gregory House: Judging by the oily buildup in your hair, I'd say you're lying.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I was scared. Pardon me for caring.
Dr. Gregory House: [When House gets himself out of bed after surgery and Cameron tries to stop him] I'm talking to Cuddy.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Lie down. You've got to be in pain!
Dr. Gregory House: Not today. Today, I'm on morphine.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [as she follows House] You're gonna rip your stitches out.
Dr. Gregory House: Check Harpo's trash.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Forget about the patient!
Dr. Gregory House: Come on, you're curious. Trash. You don't know what I'm talking about, but you know it's good.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You can't just be walking around.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, then, stop me.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You've lost blood...
Dr. Gregory House: Physically, stop me.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You could damage...
Dr. Gregory House: You can't because that would involve physically touching me and then things would get so sexually charged. I'm twice your size. Get your hands off me.
Jack Moriarty: [to House] You wanna hear a story?
Dr. Gregory House: I have a rule. People who shoot me forfeit the right to...
Jack Moriarty: My wife was sick. None of the doctors could figure out why.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, I know this story. She died, so you selected one of her doctors to kill because that would make everything right again.
Jack Moriarty: No, she lived. You cured her.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm truly sorry I did that.