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"Andy Barker, P.I." The Lady Varnishes (TV Episode 2007) Poster

Quotes

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Andy Barker: [to Simon] Mmm, this tea is wonderful.

[to Wally]

Andy Barker: Is this chamomile?

Wally: Yes it is. But I am sorry, it is pronounced Camel Milk.

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Wally: I have combined Americans love of sex, guns and chickpea.

Andy Barker: That's the big three.

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Simon: [Lew and Andy are off on another case] Alright it's go time! I'll get in back.

Lew Staziak: Actually it's stay time.

[drives off]

Simon: [shouting] You win this round, Lew Staziac, but when vengeance strikes, it will be swift -

[is hit in the head by humus from a humus gun]

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Andy Barker: We go to San Diego. My kids are crazy about Sea World.

Lew Staziak: They wouldn't be if they knew what was burried under Shamu's tank.

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Andy Barker: [finding a letter stuck in a door] What the helicopter?

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Wally: Excuse me Lew Staziak my friend, I need to speak to my friend Andy my friend.

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Rita Spaulding: Well aren't you just the cat's pajama's. You are aren't you?

[puts on thick glasses]

Rita Spaulding: Oh, hell yes!

[groans suggestively]

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Andy Barker: [Rita has one wooden leg] I'm sorry about your leg...

Rita Spaulding: Oh, it's no biggie. There's a girl in D-Block who lost the other one. Now we buy shoes together.

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Andy Barker: You said in your letter that you had been framed for the murder.

Rita Spaulding: That's right, couldn't have done that. I was in the Brown Derby at the time.

Andy Barker: Well, that ought to be fairly easy to prove.

Rita Spaulding: Well, whoever framed me got everybody to done me up.

Andy Barker: So no one saw you going in?

Rita Spaulding: No, I was with a married guy. We went in the back door.

Lew Staziak: [standing in doorframe] We did that a few times, didn't we doll?

Rita Spaulding: Well Lew Staziak as I live and breathe. Actually, I was talking about going in the back door of the Brown Derby.

Lew Staziak: So was I.

Rita Spaulding: No, I mean the back door of the restaurant.

Lew Staziak: Oh. I didn't go there.

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Andy Barker: Eh, Lew what are you doing here?

Lew Staziak: I realized I couldn't let you alone with this one. She'd fill your head with lies and your pants with hands.

Rita Spaulding: Still got two of those.

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Rita Spaulding: [shouting] Oh, and tell Lew I'm sorry I broke his heart!

[quietly]

Rita Spaulding: And burned his house.

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Wally: [to one of his two remaining Hoomus Hotties] You, chicken? You're out. Andy says go pull a sled, you dog

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John Leibowitz: I am John Leibowitz.

Andy Barker: You are?

John Leibowitz: I changed my name when I came to this country. There was much prejudice against the Chinese people. But who doesn't love a Jew?

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Lew Staziak: You ever had your heart broke by a one legged lady?

Bartender: Change lady to dude, and yeah.

Lew Staziak: You gay?

Bartender: Yeah. This is a gay bar.

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Lew Staziak: Hey, you said you had a visit from Micky. You sure it was him?

Andy Barker: I got a video of him with my phone.

Lew Staziak: Yeah, and I just flew over here on my toaster.

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Mickey Doyle: Starting that fire's one of the best moves I ever made. I destroyed the evidence from six different crimes I committed.

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Andy Barker: Where are we going?

Mickey Doyle: [pressing a gun in Andy's back] Parts of you are going to fifty different places around the city.

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Lew Staziak: So how's your wine, Sweetheart?

Rita Spaulding: Well, it's better than the stuff we used to make in my toilet.

Jenny Barker: You guys are adorable!

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