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Johnny Carson: [reading from the Internal Revenue manual] "In the event of a national emergency, especially resulting from a nuclear attack..."

[Johnny glances skeptically at the audience]

Johnny Carson: "the primary function of the Service is to support the Secretary of the Treasury." And they will start collecting taxes. In the event of a nuclear attack, even though - even though you may be on fire at the time, they'll come and probably ask you to - "Would you quit smoking, sir, and sign this?" Of course, the nice thing about it is that these will be glowing in the dark.

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Jonathan Winters: [on the IRS spokesman being dunked] He's a big guy; he's not, uh - he's like I am... Better-looking man.

Johnny Carson: I think you're a fine-looking man.

Jonathan Winters: [touching Johnny's arm and winking] Well, thank - and you're an attractive man.

[audience laughter]

Jonathan Winters: ...Well, we certainly covered that. You're new in the bar.

Johnny Carson: Let's not let this slip into something sordid...

Johnny Carson: [feels Winters' jacket] Leather city, huh? That's nice. Tell you, leather city.

Jonathan Winters: Wait 'til I take you home to Mother. She's gonna love you.

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Jonathan Winters: I've always said, you know, God is in my mind, and the Devil's in my pants.

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Jonathan Winters: [on his youthful tendency to get in trouble with his public pranks] All the world was a stage - also, all the men were in heavy white with a red cross on their arm.

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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