[Gomez and Morticia are brushing their teeth before bedtime]
Gomez Addams : As my mouth foams with toothpaste, so foams my heart with love!
Uncle Fester : Wanna relive our safari days and shrink my head?
Gomez Addams : Always, brother! But I promised my pet I'd read her the next two chapters of Uncle Spore's "Fungi of the World."
Morticia Addams : Ah, the way Gomez reads each page it's as if Uncle Spore was with us in the room.
Gomez Addams : Well, he was, until Lurch hosed down the underside of the bed...
Gomez Addams : Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, vertebrates and invertebrates, F.T.V is on the air!
Gomez Addams : [narrating amidst tropical scenery] Tired of your regular vacations? Tired of the same old peaceful rift year after year? Then kiss the mundane goodbye! Call Uncle Goner's Travel Agency today for that vacation with a twist!
[a van is seen chugging along]
Gomez Addams : Marvel at the majestic beauty of the Grand Canyon!
[the van drives off a cliff]
Gomez Addams : Behold the titanic wonder of Niagara Falls!
[the van goes over the falls]
Gomez Addams : Relive the elegance of the Orient Express!
[the van goes into a tunnel and comes out impaled on a train engine]
Gomez Addams : Or, if, you dare, discover the behind-the-scenes reality that made Gary Indiana famous!
[the van is pulled into the train]
Gomez Addams : Uncle Goner's Travel Agency! Call now!
Mr. Normanmeyer : [watching the advertisement] Oh, that's rich!
Mr. Normanmeyer : [points out the window] Say, isn't that a six-car pile-up?
Pugsley Addams : Cool!
[the Addamses rush over to the window to check it out]
Mr. Normanmeyer : [deactivating the satellite] Come on, baby, come on down...
[the Addams return from the window depressed]
Wednesday Addams : Darn the luck!
Uncle Fester : Oh, buck it!
Gomez Addams : Just another Johnson barbecue...
Mr. Normanmeyer : Well, I guess my eyes aren't what they used to be...