Kyle Cassie: Gavin Merchant
Wade Wilson : Not out of the woods yet. You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. They're jeans, not a chandelier. P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kinda give it to me.
Gavin Merchant : Okay, just look, man, can I have my Sam's card?
Wade Wilson : I will shoot your fucking cat!
Gavin Merchant : I don't know what that means. I don't have a cat.
Wade Wilson : Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
Wade Wilson : Do you happen to know a Meghan Orflowsky - gettin' that right? Orflasky? Orlovsy? - Yeah? Good. 'Cause she knows you. Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys who take a dime to beat a fella down. And little Meghan, she's not made of money, but lucky for her, I got a soft spot.
Jeremy (Pizza Guy) : [nervously] I'm, uh...
Wade Wilson : A stalker.
[points his knife]
Wade Wilson : Threats hurt, Jer, though not nearly as much as serrated steel. So keep away from Meghan. Cool?
Jeremy (Pizza Guy) : Yes... Yes, sir.
Wade Wilson : Then we're done.
[puts the knife away]
Jeremy (Pizza Guy) : Wait, we... we are?
Wade Wilson : Yeah, totally done!
[everyone starts laughing]
Wade Wilson : [to Merchant] You should have seen your face!
Gavin Merchant : I didn't know what to do. I was so scared!
Wade Wilson : Soft spot, remember?
[suddenly grabs Jeremy by the neck and throws him up against a wall]
Wade Wilson : You even LOOK in her general direction again, and you'll learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots too!
Wade Wilson : That came out wrong. Or did it?
[kisses Jeremy on the cheek]