Morena Baccarin: Vanessa
Vanessa Carlysle : So, am I suppose to just smile and wave you out the door?
Wade Wilson : Think of it like spring cleaning. Only if spring was death. God, if I had a nickel for every time I spanked it to Bernadette Peters.
Vanessa Carlysle : Sounds like you do. Bernadette is not going anywhere, because you're not going anywhere. Drink.
Wade Wilson : You're right. Cancer is only in my liver, lungs, prostate, and brain. All the things I can live without.
Vanessa Carlysle : Well I hate to break it to you, but your forty-eight minutes are up.
Wade Wilson : Hey! How many more minutes can I get for this?
[looking at his Voltron ring]
Wade Wilson : FYI, five mini lion bots come together to form one super-bot!
Vanessa Carlysle : Five mini lion bots?
Vanessa Carlysle : Three minutes.
Wade Wilson : Deal! What do we do with the remaining two minutes thirty-seven seconds?
Vanessa Carlysle : [pause] Cuddle?
Wade Wilson : Listen, Ive been thinking.
Vanessa Carlysle : Really?
Wade Wilson : About why were so good together.
Vanessa Carlysle : Why is that?
Wade Wilson : Well, your crazy matches my crazy, big time.
Vanessa Carlysle : Mm.
Wade Wilson : And, uh, were like two jigsaw pieces, you know, and we have curvy edges.
Vanessa Carlysle : But you fit them together and you see the picture on top.
Wade Wilson : Right.
Vanessa Carlysle : Wade, theres something Ive been meaning to ask you. Only because you havent gotten around to asking me. Will you, um, stick it up my a
[Wade holds up a giant ring]
Wade Wilson : Marry me?
Vanessa Carlysle : Uh, jinx?
Wade Wilson : Huh.
Vanessa Carlysle : Where were you hiding that?
Wade Wilson : Nowhere.
[Wade and is shown to be butt-naked]
Deadpool : I should've come and found you sooner, but the guy under this mask, he ain't the same one that you remember.
Vanessa Carlysle : You mean this mask?
[takes off mask to reveal cheap paper mask of Wolverine]
Deadpool : And this one, in case the other fell off.
[she peels off the mask]
Vanessa Carlysle : Wow.
Wade Wilson : Yeah.
Vanessa Carlysle : After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it's a face... I'd be happy to sit on.
Wade Wilson : Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit-show. Like a Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spin Doctors at the Iowa State Fair shit-show. And under no circumstances will I take you to that show. I want you to remember me, not the ghost of Christmas me.
Vanessa Carlysle : Well, I wanna remember us.
Wade Wilson : I swear to God, I will find you in the next life and I'm gonna boom-box "Careless Whisper" outside your window. Wham!
Vanessa Carlysle : No one is boom-boxing shit. Okay? We can fight this. Besides, I just realized something. You win. Your life is officially way more fucked up than mine.
Vanessa Carlysle : Hey, hands off the merchandise.
Wade Wilson : Merchandise? Huh... so you uh, bump fuzzies for money?
Vanessa Carlysle : Yep.
Wade Wilson : Rough childhood?
Vanessa Carlysle : Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born.
Wade Wilson : Daddy left before I was conceived.
Vanessa Carlysle : Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?
Wade Wilson : Where else do you put one out?
Vanessa Carlysle : I was molested!
Wade Wilson : Me too. Uncle.
Vanessa Carlysle : Uncles. They took turns.
Wade Wilson : I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet, which also happened to be my...
Vanessa Carlysle : Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
Wade Wilson : [Gasps] You had a dishwasher. I didn't even known sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn.
Vanessa Carlysle : [laughs] Who would do such a thing?
Wade Wilson : Hopefully you. Later tonight? Hey, what can I get for $275 and uh... a Yogurtlands reward card?
Vanessa Carlysle : Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want. And a low-fat dessert.
[Puts card in his mouth]
Vanessa Carlysle : I've played a lot of roles, damsel in distress ain't one of them.
Deadpool : Hang in there, baby! I gotcha! I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.
[Deadpool throws Vanessa into the oxygen chamber as it rolls down the carrier and stops on the edge of it, Wade holds onto the oxygen chamber]
Vanessa Carlysle : Shit! ShitI Shit!
Deadpool : Don't worry. I'm totally on top of this.
Buck : [smacks Vanessa's rear] I'd hit that.
Wade Wilson : Buck, you best apologize before...
[Vanessa grabs Buck's groin]
Wade Wilson : Yeah, that.
Vanessa Carlysle : Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf.
Buck : I'm sorry.
Wade Wilson : Breathe through the nose.
Buck : I don't have a filter between my brain and my...
[Vanessa grabs harder]
Wade Wilson : [to Vanessa] Let go. Okay. Hey, oh, oh, oh... Hakuna his tatas. He's sorry.
Wade Wilson : [drops fistful of tickets on counter] A limited edition Voltron Defender of the Universe ring, por favor.
Arcade Ticket Taker : [moves tickets aside] Okay, here we go...
Wade Wilson : [indicates ring to Vanessa] I've had my eye on this sucker for a while.
Vanessa Carlysle : And I will take the pencil eraser.
Arcade Ticket Taker : Okay.
Arcade Ticket Taker : You are now the proud protector of the planet Arus.
Arcade Ticket Taker : And you can erase stuff written in pencil.
Wade Wilson : [offers Vanessa his arm] M'lady.