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"Castle" Slice of Death (TV Episode 2011) Poster

(TV Series)

(2011)

Quotes

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Richard Castle: [coming home to find Martha comforting Alexis] What happened?

Martha Rodgers: Alexis decided to crash Lauren's party, against our better judgment.

Richard Castle: And I take it that the, uh, party crashing didn't go so well?

Alexis Castle: None of this would have happened if Lauren wasn't the most conniving bitch in the entire world.

Richard Castle: Whoa!

Martha Rodgers: [waving it off] It's warranted.

Alexis Castle: When the band was performing, Lauren brought Ashley up on stage with her, and she kissed him. In front of everyone!

Richard Castle: [shocked] Bitch!

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Captain Roy Montgomery: Did I hear right? You found a body in the oven at Terrific Nick's?

Kate Beckett: Authentic Nick's.

Captain Roy Montgomery: Authentic Nick's?

[relieved]

Captain Roy Montgomery: Oh, thank God. The wife loves Terrific Nick's. I didn't have the heart to tell her it now came in full-bodied flavor.

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Kate Beckett: I thought Terrific Nick's on the East Side was number one.

Richard Castle: Uh, no, that's Authentic Terrific Nick's. This is just Authentic Nick's.

Kate Beckett: This isn't Terrific?

Richard Castle: No. Just Authentic. It's also not Terrific Authentic Nick's. But that's across the street.

Kate Beckett: Well, what's the difference?

Lanie Parish: The difference is, this one has a dead body in the oven.

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Richard Castle: I should have gotten involved much earlier.

Kate Beckett: Why? Lauren would've still found a way to make Alexis' life miserable.

Richard Castle: Lauren isn't a criminal mastermind. She's just a teenager.

Kate Beckett: Oh, Castle, never underestimate the power of a woman on a mission.

Richard Castle: No, I don't. And I have the alimony checks to prove it.

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Lanie Parish: As expected, the body was too badly burned to get any prints. But... I did find this. You see here where the shinbone should be? Those are titanium plates.

Richard Castle: So killer cyborg sent from the future. Resistance fighters intercept its coordinates, redirect him into a pizza oven, saving humanity.

[Beckett and Lanie ignore him]

Lanie Parish: The plates had serial numbers. I ran them through the surgical database and got an ID.

Kate Beckett: [reading the report] Gordon Burns.

Richard Castle: Gordon Burns?

Lanie Parish: Yes, Castle. Burns. Go ahead, make your joke. Get it out of your system.

Richard Castle: Gordon Burns as in New York Ledger?

Kate Beckett: You know him?

Richard Castle: Well, not personally. He was a reporter. I used to love his work.

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Richard Castle: Listen, if I gave you a website, could you have your friends at Tech hack into it and take some pictures down?

Kevin Ryan: Did someone find naked pictures of you again?

Richard Castle: No. Not me. It's Alexis. It's for Alexis.

Kevin Ryan: This just got awkward. What's this about?

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Ralph Carbone: I can't believe those bastards put a body in my oven.

Kate Beckett: I'm sorry, Mr. Carbone, you think you know who did this?

Ralph Carbone: Yeah, sure! I bet it was that jackhole.

[points to man across the street]

Richard Castle: Terrific Authentic Nick?

Nick, Jr.: Sal Malavolta. He used to work for us years ago before opening his own *lousy* pizza shop right across the street.

Ralph Carbone: He stole my frigging recipes. It's *Sal* that done this. Along with the other two!

Kate Beckett: The other two?

Ralph Carbone: [points to another man] That vulture there.

Richard Castle: Terrific Nick?

Nick, Jr.: Vinnie Delfino.

Ralph Carbone: [points to a third man] And the other dirt bag there.

Richard Castle: And Authentic Terrific Nick.

Ralph Carbone: Luca Sabalini. All three of 'em! They're thieves. They live off of our name. And they're not even real Nicks. I'm the only real Nick.

Richard Castle: And your real name is Ralph.

Ralph Carbone: Exactly!

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[at the victim's apartment, which has been trashed, Castle picks up a framed picture of Burns with his daughter]

Richard Castle: I think I met her. I went to a book signing of his, the one he did on the, uh, Sarajevo snipers. She was... coloring next to him while he was signing books.

Kate Beckett: He must have been a good writer for you to stand in line.

Richard Castle: Yeah. He was.

Kate Beckett: Come on. Let's go get CSU.

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Richard Castle: [finding a lead] Look at that.

Kate Beckett: That's last night. He was meeting with someone.

Richard Castle: Someone from that phone number. Just before he was killed.

Kate Beckett: [pulling out her phone] I'm gonna run that down.

Richard Castle: You have an app for that?

Kate Beckett: Yeah, NYPD issue. We just got it.

Richard Castle: [reaching for her phone] Can I...?

Kate Beckett: [stopping him] Whoa!

Richard Castle: Fine. Then you don't get to play my "Angry Birds".

[taunting sing-song]

Richard Castle: And they just came out with a new one.

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[first lines]

Nick, Jr.: Come on, let me show you my place, huh?

Ginger: I gotta tweet this. No one'll believe I'm with *the* Terrific Nick.

Nick, Jr.: Uh, Authentic Nick, uh, not Terrific. Okay? I mean, uh... we're the best.

Ginger: Ahh, I'll bet.

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[last lines]

Richard Castle: Hurts like these... take time to heal.

Alexis Castle: Time... And pizza.

[they open the pizza box and take out slices, touching them together like glasses]

Richard CastleAlexis Castle: Cheers.

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