Richard Castle: [coming home to find Martha comforting Alexis] What happened?
Martha Rodgers: Alexis decided to crash Lauren's party, against our better judgment.
Richard Castle: And I take it that the, uh, party crashing didn't go so well?
Alexis Castle: None of this would have happened if Lauren wasn't the most conniving bitch in the entire world.
Richard Castle: Whoa!
Martha Rodgers: [waving it off] It's warranted.
Alexis Castle: When the band was performing, Lauren brought Ashley up on stage with her, and she kissed him. In front of everyone!
Richard Castle: [shocked] Bitch!
Captain Roy Montgomery: Did I hear right? You found a body in the oven at Terrific Nick's?
Kate Beckett: Authentic Nick's.
Captain Roy Montgomery: Authentic Nick's?
Captain Roy Montgomery: Oh, thank God. The wife loves Terrific Nick's. I didn't have the heart to tell her it now came in full-bodied flavor.
Kate Beckett: I thought Terrific Nick's on the East Side was number one.
Richard Castle: Uh, no, that's Authentic Terrific Nick's. This is just Authentic Nick's.
Kate Beckett: This isn't Terrific?
Richard Castle: No. Just Authentic. It's also not Terrific Authentic Nick's. But that's across the street.
Kate Beckett: Well, what's the difference?
Lanie Parish: The difference is, this one has a dead body in the oven.
Richard Castle: I should have gotten involved much earlier.
Kate Beckett: Why? Lauren would've still found a way to make Alexis' life miserable.
Richard Castle: Lauren isn't a criminal mastermind. She's just a teenager.
Kate Beckett: Oh, Castle, never underestimate the power of a woman on a mission.
Richard Castle: No, I don't. And I have the alimony checks to prove it.
Lanie Parish: As expected, the body was too badly burned to get any prints. But... I did find this. You see here where the shinbone should be? Those are titanium plates.
Richard Castle: So killer cyborg sent from the future. Resistance fighters intercept its coordinates, redirect him into a pizza oven, saving humanity.
[Beckett and Lanie ignore him]
Lanie Parish: The plates had serial numbers. I ran them through the surgical database and got an ID.
Kate Beckett: [reading the report] Gordon Burns.
Richard Castle: Gordon Burns?
Lanie Parish: Yes, Castle. Burns. Go ahead, make your joke. Get it out of your system.
Richard Castle: Gordon Burns as in New York Ledger?
Kate Beckett: You know him?
Richard Castle: Well, not personally. He was a reporter. I used to love his work.
Richard Castle: Listen, if I gave you a website, could you have your friends at Tech hack into it and take some pictures down?
Kevin Ryan: Did someone find naked pictures of you again?
Richard Castle: No. Not me. It's Alexis. It's for Alexis.
Kevin Ryan: This just got awkward. What's this about?
Ralph Carbone: I can't believe those bastards put a body in my oven.
Kate Beckett: I'm sorry, Mr. Carbone, you think you know who did this?
Ralph Carbone: Yeah, sure! I bet it was that jackhole.
[points to man across the street]
Richard Castle: Terrific Authentic Nick?
Nick, Jr.: Sal Malavolta. He used to work for us years ago before opening his own *lousy* pizza shop right across the street.
Ralph Carbone: He stole my frigging recipes. It's *Sal* that done this. Along with the other two!
Kate Beckett: The other two?
Ralph Carbone: [points to another man] That vulture there.
Richard Castle: Terrific Nick?
Nick, Jr.: Vinnie Delfino.
Ralph Carbone: [points to a third man] And the other dirt bag there.
Richard Castle: And Authentic Terrific Nick.
Ralph Carbone: Luca Sabalini. All three of 'em! They're thieves. They live off of our name. And they're not even real Nicks. I'm the only real Nick.
Richard Castle: And your real name is Ralph.
Ralph Carbone: Exactly!
[at the victim's apartment, which has been trashed, Castle picks up a framed picture of Burns with his daughter]
Richard Castle: I think I met her. I went to a book signing of his, the one he did on the, uh, Sarajevo snipers. She was... coloring next to him while he was signing books.
Kate Beckett: He must have been a good writer for you to stand in line.
Richard Castle: Yeah. He was.
Kate Beckett: Come on. Let's go get CSU.
Richard Castle: [finding a lead] Look at that.
Kate Beckett: That's last night. He was meeting with someone.
Richard Castle: Someone from that phone number. Just before he was killed.
Kate Beckett: [pulling out her phone] I'm gonna run that down.
Richard Castle: You have an app for that?
Kate Beckett: Yeah, NYPD issue. We just got it.
Richard Castle: [reaching for her phone] Can I...?
Kate Beckett: [stopping him] Whoa!
Richard Castle: Fine. Then you don't get to play my "Angry Birds".
Richard Castle: And they just came out with a new one.
Nick, Jr.: Come on, let me show you my place, huh?
Ginger: I gotta tweet this. No one'll believe I'm with *the* Terrific Nick.
Nick, Jr.: Uh, Authentic Nick, uh, not Terrific. Okay? I mean, uh... we're the best.
Ginger: Ahh, I'll bet.