Giovanni Ribisi: Donny
Donny : I have to say, I've been following you ever since I was a young boy and, uh... I remember seeing you on the Carson Show and... you were just wonderful.
Ted : Oh, yeah that was uh... that was weird ineterview: Ed thought I was ALF and he kept muttering anti semitic comments... he thought ALF was Jewish for some reason...
Donny : Hey-hey um... Have you ever considered selling the bear?
John : What?
Ted : Excuse me?
Robert : I want it.
Ted : [defensively] Hey, I'm not an it, pal! I'm a he, alright?
John : [Stammers and stands up; he speaks in a calm tone] I'm sorry little guy, but my bear isn't for sale. See, I've had him since I was about your age. He's very, very special to me.
Robert : Stand up straight when you're talking to me!
John : [Dumbfounded] Why the fuck would he say that?
Donny : You know Ted, when I was a little boy, I saw you on television. And I thought you were the most amazing, most wonderful thing I'd ever seen, ever. And I asked my dad if I could have a magically little teddy bear, too. And he said, "No."
Ted : Can you just email me the rest of this story?
Donny : And I was so heartbroken. And I promised myself that if I ever had a son, I would never, ever, ever say no to him. Ever.
Ted : Maybe "no" to a Snickers bar every once in a while wouldn't hurt.
Robert : Me and Ted are going to be best friends, Daddy.
Donny : Yes, you are, my little chipmunk. Happy playtime.
Ted : Jesus fucking Christ!
Robert : I said a bad word one time. Daddy punished me for it.
Ted : That's a great story. I felt like I was there.
Robert : Daddy gave me an ouch. Now, I have to give you an ouch.
[tears Ted's ear off ]