American Horror Story (2011– )
Cordelia Foxx: In the absence of the council, as reigning Supreme of this coven, I hereby decree... for the murders of our sister witch, Cecily Pembroke and our college, Quentin Fleming... you... Myrtle Snow, are hereby sentenced to death by fire.
Myrtle Snow: Delia, my sweet daughter, I have never been more proud.
Cordelia Foxx: Any last words?
Myrtle Snow: Only one. BALENCIAGA!
Zoe Benson: Do you think Fiona can fix it?
Madison Montgomery: You're such a Goddamn idiot. I can't believe you told them everything. I'm supposed to be cleaning up my act! When this gets out, I'm screwed!
Zoe Benson: Who cares? This is murder, like multiple murders!
Madison Montgomery: They're not gonna find any evidence that we messed with the bus because we did not mess with the bus! What did you do to that shit dick in the hospital, though?
Fiona Goode: [Fiona comes in, angry] Idiots.
[She telekinetically throws Madison and Zoe up against the wall and they come crashing down, landing on the floor]
Fiona Goode: Have you any idea what's going on out there? Now, I forgave your ham-handed mass murder business with the bus over exuberance of youth and all that, but if you haven't got the Goddamn brains to know that when strangers come asking questions, we close ranks, then I fear our line is truly at an end.
Zoe Benson: But they knew so much already.
Fiona Goode: I COULDN'T TOAST A PIECE OF BREAD with the heat they were putting on you. You... are soft. You're emotional, you care what people think. Now, if there's one thing you learn before leaving this place is that we, even the WEAKEST among us, are better than the best of them.
Zoe Benson: Are we gonna get arrested?
Fiona Goode: You are missing the point.
Madison Montgomery: Which is?
Fiona Goode: The point is... in this whole wide wicked world... the only thing you have to be afraid of... is me.
Dr. Ben Harmon: My professional opinion: Whoever painted this wall had some deep, psychological issues.
Vivien Harmon: I thought you had a patient.
Dr. Ben Harmon: Ah, they bailed. Do you need some help cleaning up?
Vivien Harmon: Yeah.
[Hands him a tin bowl]
Vivien Harmon: Thanks.
Dr. Ben Harmon: This thing doesn't tweak you out?
Vivien Harmon: I, there's something about that I find... really comforting.
Dr. Ben Harmon: All my psych professors tell me that people tell stories to cope with their fears, all art and meds are just creations to give us some sense of control over the things we're scared of: afraid of dying, create reincarnation, afraid of evil, create a benevolent God who sends evil doers to Hell.
Vivien Harmon: I just like that I don't have to think while I do it.
Dr. Ben Harmon: [laughs] Okay.
[They smile at each other]
Dr. Ben Harmon: I always thought you were prettiest like this: No makeup, messy hair... Little sweaty.
Vivien Harmon: I'm old.
Dr. Ben Harmon: Stop. You're beautiful. You are.
[He approaches her, tries to be intimate]
Dr. Ben Harmon: Violet won't be home for an hour.
Vivien Harmon: No. Ben, no.
Dr. Ben Harmon: Come on, babe.
Vivien Harmon: Ben, no.
[She makes him let go of her]
Vivien Harmon: Just... sorry. Just...
Dr. Ben Harmon: [Throwing stuff to the ground in anger] HOW LONG, VIV? HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO PUNISH ME FOR?
Vivien Harmon: I'm not punishing you, you narcissistic asshole! I'm trying to figure out how to forgive you for having sex with one of your students! You want me to have sex with you? I can't even look at your face, Ben, without seeing the expression on it while you were pile driving her in our BED!
Dr. Ben Harmon: I SCREWED UP! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT? I'M SORRY! I WAS HURTING, TOO!
Vivien Harmon: OH!
Dr. Ben Harmon: GOD!
Vivien Harmon: [Sarcastically] Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Did, did the, did the, did the life that was growing inside you die? And did you have to carry that around in your belly? The dead corpse of our baby son? Did you have to go into labor and deliver our child... DEAD?
Dr. Ben Harmon: My son died, too! My baby died, too!
Vivien Harmon: And you buried your sorrows in some 21-year-old's pussy!
Dr. Ben Harmon: You know, I can show you statistics on how many men cheat after a miscarriage! I was there for you, Viv! I was patient and understanding and caring! I put your feelings first!
Vivien Harmon: [Sarcastically] My... hero!
Dr. Ben Harmon: You know, I don't even know how to say this without coming off like an asshole. I really don't-...
Vivien Harmon: You know what? Just go ahead! Really! Never stopped you before! You're so angry? Why don't you really tell it like it is! 6 months of therapy with you apologizing and crying was bullshit! So, please, tell me how you really feel!
Dr. Ben Harmon: You got a dog!
[Vivien laughs sarcastically]
Dr. Ben Harmon: I needed you and you got a dog.
Vivien Harmon: [Sarcastically] Oh!
Dr. Ben Harmon: It was ME you should've been curling up with at night! Not a dog!
Vivien Harmon: Oh, so - -!
Dr. Ben Harmon: I needed you!
Vivien Harmon: You needed me! So, she was revenge because you needed me? Because I wasn't THERE FOR YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED? NOW, IT GET IT!
Dr. Ben Harmon: We hadn't had sex in almost a year.
Vivien Harmon: Yeah, you think I don't know that?
Dr. Ben Harmon: October 20th, we had great sex, Viv. It was loving and sexy and personal, even a little, even a little weird. I love you. I moved across country for you because in all my life, the only thing I've been truly scared of is losing you, losing this family. Something horrible happened to us and we handled it even more horribly. But this, this place... is our second chance, VIv. It's our second chance. But I just... I just need to know that you want it, too. Tell me, honey.
[He puts his hands on her face, she brushes him off]
Dr. Ben Harmon: [He tries again, but this time, she violently pushes him off] What are you doing?
[She pushes him again]
Dr. Ben Harmon: Viv!
[She continues to push him away]
Dr. Ben Harmon: What are you doing?
Dr. Ben Harmon: No!
[He kisses her, she resists at first, then kisses him, they begin having sex]
Dandy Mott: I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
Queenie: [Detroit, 2012] Let me get a 44, extra crispy!
Irate Customer: Yo! The medium bucket is supposed to have 8 pieces. This one has only 7.
Queenie: My name is not "Yo", it's "Queenie", and you must have miscounted because I packed that basket myself.
Irate Customer: Well, you must've got a D in Math 'cause there's only 7 pieces.
Queenie: Actually, sir, I got an A in Math, all of them. Calculus, Trig, Advanced Algebra.
Irate Customer: [Sarcastically] Is that so?
Irate Customer: Look, I'm sure you're a genius, just give me an extra piece of chicken and I'll be done here.
Queenie: Look, pencil dick, you ate the extra piece and, now, you want a freebie!
Irate Customer: I'd like to speak to the manager, stupid fat ass!
Queenie: [Pissed] What did you call me?
Irate Customer: Get the manager!
Queenie: [Angrily] I am the manager.
Irate Customer: [She sticks her hand in the burning hot oil, with her "Human Voodoo Doll" Power transferring the pain to the customer; He screams in agony as his whole hand and forearm burn] Help! I'm burning! Help!
[He continues screaming in agony]
Nan: [Cutting to present day with Queenie recounting the incident] Did they send you to jail?
Queenie: No. There were lots of witnesses, none of them had actually seen me throw the oil. But it made the local newspaper, that's how Miss Cordelia found me.
Cordelia Foxx: You didn't want to join us at first.
Queenie: I grew up on white girl shit like "Charmed" and "Sabrina, The Teenage Cracker". I didn't know that there even were black witches. As it turns out, I'm an heir to Tituba. She was a house slave in Salem. She was the first to be accused of witchcraft. So, technically, I'm part of your tribe.
Madison Montgomery: [Sarcastically] Is this were we all sing Kumbaya?
Queenie: [Jumping to her feet, ready to fight] Bitch, I will eat you!
Cordelia Foxx: Hey hey hey! Hey! You guys have got start taking care of each other. We have enough enemies on the outside.
Billie Dean Howard: I think we're gonna get a pickup on my Lifetime pilot. And as soon as we do, I wanna bring you on as my guest.
Constance Langdon: I can't focus on your... career right now. I maybe looking at a rather Earth shattering situation.
Billie Dean Howard: Could we be talking menopause baby? Why am I seeing baby pictures?
Constance Langdon: Tell me... What happens when a human... copulates with someone from the spirit world?
Billie Dean Howard: Spirits aren't known for their potency.
Constance Langdon: Yes, but... what if there is, in fact, a conception?
Billie Dean Howard: You do know about the box? The Pope's box?
Constance Langdon: What the Hell are you talking about?
Billie Dean Howard: When a new Pope has been chosen and the bells of St. Peter's chime, he is shown into a small chamber next to the Sistine Chapel. They call it the room of tears, named for the sublime mixture of joy and sorrow that he must contemplate at this moment. He is brought a key to this box. It has been said that this box contains the ultimate secret. It holds the secret of the end of the world.
Constance Langdon: Oh, for Christ's sakes, Billie Dean, the cameras aren't rolling in here. Will you just cut to the chase?
Billie Dean Howard: This piece of paper reveals the precise nature of the Antichrist. A child born of human and spirit will usher in the end of times. It is the essence of evil... a perversion of the Immaculate Conception.
Constance Langdon: What are you talking about?
Billie Dean Howard: Oh, come on, honey. The Holy Ghost merely whispered in the Virgin Mary's ear and she begat the Son of God. If the Devil's going to use a human womb for his spawn, he's gonna want a little more bang for his buck.
Sally Freeman: [after Ben presses the "Record" button on his tape recorder] He's going through with it and there's nothing I can do to stop him. We're supposed to sign the papers next week and that's it. 23 years gone with the stroke of a pen. I'm so upset. And I wonder if I'll ever be able to love or be loved again.
Dr. Ben Harmon: What was the reason your husband is seeking the divorce?
Sally Freeman: He says I'm very boring. I've tried to converse with him on a variety of subjects. Sports, for instance. I've even learned the names of Football teams he follows. Let's see; there's the Chargers, the 49ers, the Raiders, the Sea Hawks up in Seattle. That's the West Coast. And the Cardinals, they're in Arizona. I memorized them for him. I'm very good at memorization. I can still name the states and all of their capitols which I learned in the 6th grade. My memory helps with my work. I'm an accountant by trade, but I'm branching out into taxes.
[All this time, Ben goes from listening to spacing out due to Sally's boring rambling]