April Rain (2014)
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Avoid at all costs!
I wont bother with a plot summary other than to say there is a "secret" government agency, a terrorist plot using Vespa-type scooters (and....one high speed chase using said scooters)and some horrible acting, writing and directing.
Look closely children of the 80's..........VINCENT SPANO IS BACK!!!!! And no....his acting hasn't gotten any better.
If you dare watch this - make sure you're ready to say "WHAT?????" at the end.......
Horrible writing, directing and acting. Scenes that don't go anywhere, are randomly tossed in it would seem. Who sent that tip off text? Why did Alex bolt out his apartment at the end? Obviously this is some kind of rip off of the successful series, Homeland. Except it watches like someone with a mental illness wrote it. Maybe all the scenes that would have helped make the movie make sense ended up on the cutting room floor? We can only hope.
Semi decent production values for a low budget turd.
Terrorist using scooters? Why does their hideout base in the middle of no where California look like a US Army combat post in Afghanistan?
Luke Goss (Blade 2, Hellboy 2) and Doug Savant (Godzilla 1998) do decent jobs as special agents, as does Vincent Spano who plays Doug's partner. It's also nice to see Ming-Na Wen (who I think does a great job in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) albeit for only some brief screen-time.
There is some laughable character development followed by more believable emotional exchanges all in the same 15 minutes, more than once, but hey, that is part of the fun. All in all I would give this B grade TV movie a chance if you like "Lazy Day" flicks and aren't overly critical. If you are a cine-file then watch B movies like Lisa and the Devil (1973) or The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976) instead.
Jeeeeeeezus! I have watched films that have bad acting or the script is crap, the directing poor but to have all three in the one project that takes the cake!
Oh I forgot the casting! that's a 4 out of 4!
Really, what is wrong with the industry where total crap like this gets made? I agree with David this quite possibly could be the worst film ever made. You usually know a movie is going to be bad when the opening credits roll.
This has every bad cliché known to man. The acting is so bad I constantly had to put my jaw back in place. The direction abysmal, the script ridiculously bad.
Rent this thing if you can find it and use it as an example of how NOT to make motion pictures.
In short, the Director, Editor and Technical Consultant(s) should have their credentials yanked. Even the writer should retire or go into spoof comedy.
The only movie that I have seen in the last 10 years worse than this one is "The Ninja Immovable Heart". I think I rated that at a -2.
I feel bad for some of the Actors/Actresses. Some of them have done far better.
This feels like a pilot for a TV program as the ending doesn't give you closure.
Parental Guide: F-bomb, sex, butt nudity.
Is this supposed to be an action movie? It's hard to tell what the filmmakers were thinking, or even if English was their first language. Maybe something got lost in translation. But they did manage to get some DTV-level names for the cast, which is more than you might expect. Former teen heartthrob Andrew Keegan isn't on the cover of Tiger Beat magazine anymore...here he's some sort of Russian mobster. And Vincent Spano is a SWAT team member with marital problems. Okay. Luke Goss is a cop who is somewhat on the edge, but doesn't seem to be able to muster up enough enthusiasm to really be on said edge. Ming-Na Wen is his boss. There's a bunch of overlong dialogue scenes that are pretty childish. And speaking of stuff that's juvenile...
A main part of the threat that our heroes are fighting against in this movie is the potential onslaught of terrorists on scooters. SCOOTERS. This is taken gravely seriously in the world of April Rain. To prove this point, there's an amazingly not-badass scooter chase that director Luciano Saber probably thought was amazingly badass. Rather than a fighting force of anti-terror warriors, it looks like a dry-run rehearsal for a Sugar Ray video.
During one of the unnecessary soap opera scenes, which takes place in a kitchen, Luke Goss is on one side of the screen, his wife is on the other, and a bag of Kettle Chips are dead center between them. For a long time. The Kettle Chips steal the show. The dialogue WE were having during this scene was more drama-intensive: "Oh, this family buys Kettle Chips? Cool." "I wonder what flavor?" "Well, that's the red bag, so, what is that..." "I think it may be barbecue." "I don't like barbecue flavored chips. That's like taking a bite of barbecue sauce. I find that gross" "Okay, whatever, weirdo." This is sparklingly witty dialogue compared to the leaden dullery that is April Rain. And there's some of our hated bathroom humor/dialogue that we hate and always rail against. The strikes against the movie are piling up fast.
If you - yes, YOU reading this right now - got your friends together, broke out the old Go Pro or some other video camera, and tried to make a movie, odds are it would be vastly better than April Rain. How unmitigated crud like this gets made and distributed will always mystify us. Looks like it's heading for the sewer...
The initial tableaux: A transaction between crime groups goes bad quickly. One group kills the other. There are repercussions, like disposing of a body, and sniffing out any government spies. The local cops show up for a moment, and are eliminated. One undercover agent calls for help, and we meet more of the local SIU (Special Investigations Unit) team. The emphasis shifts from mob crime to terrorism.
Delineation of conflicts: Terrorists (foreign and domestic) want to kill people and blow things up. The SIU tries to stop this. Local police are clueless and largely not involved. Wives are enraged with their cheating husbands. Tariq has a beautiful wife, a good job, a nice house, and local friends, but he hears the call of terror, which is clearly more important to him than all the other factors put together.
Resolution: Lots of people get killed, which simplifies the game going forward somewhat. This film ended because the credits showed up. That is, it looked like a sequel was expected to be made.