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"Major Crimes" Under the Influence (TV Episode 2013) Poster

(TV Series)

(2013)

Quotes

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Detective Julio Sanchez: So, uh, Andrews? This TV show that you and Lieutenant Mike write for...

Lt. Mike Tao: I'm not the writer, I'm the technical advisor.

Jason Andrews: Right. Uh, Lieutenant Mike is just making sure that we follow rules and regulations and we use police jargon.

Detective Julio Sanchez: Okay. So what's this show about?

Jason Andrews: Uh, it's called "Badge of Justice," and it's about a small team of detectives fighting crime and corruption inside the LAPD.

Detective Julio Sanchez: [pause] What corruption?

Jason Andrews: Oh, you know, the usual - beating up suspects, planting evidence, uh, taking bribes, racial profiling...

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Detective Julio Sanchez: Do you have a wife? Huh? I'm going to arrest her. You have a dog? I'm gonna kill it!

Lt. Mike Tao: [to Jason] He probably doesn't even have a dog.

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Lt. Louie Provenza: Hey, hey. Don't bring that.

Lt. Andy Flynn: This new cleanse can't get too hot.

Lt. Louie Provenza: It's in an insulated thermos. You can't undo fifty years of treating your body like a science experiment with a cleanse. Do us all a favor. Eat a hot dog.

Lt. Andy Flynn: Yeah, well, I'm not a quitter.

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Captain Sharon Raydor: "Write about the person in your life who has influenced you the most."

Buzz Watson: I proofed it. Just read the first line.

Captain Sharon Raydor: Okay. "From the day I finally learned to tie my shoes, the person who has exercised the most influence in my life is me."

[pause]

Captain Sharon Raydor: Oh.

Rusty Beck: What? It's true.

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Lt. Louie Provenza: Mrs. Vega, I don't think you understand what we're saying here.

Lt. Andy Flynn: If your boy goes back to Mexico...

Rosa Vega: Yes, it's a little sad, but Manuel has made mistakes that he's gonna have to pay for. Look, the answer to your problems is staring you in the face, and we all know it. Hand my son over to the Federales and let justice be done.

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David Ahmed: You can't do this.

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs: Can't do what, Ahmed?

David Ahmed: Send my client back to Mexico. This is the imposition of the death penalty by other means. It is a crime against everything we stand for, and our legal system.

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs: Let me help you with this. I'm prepared to make a deal. Three counts murder one, life without parole. In exchange, Manuel tells me everything I want to know about his mother's drug operation, or we can give your client a little going-away fiesta. I'll even bring the piñata.

David Ahmed: He'll never talk about his mother.

Captain Sharon Raydor: Oh, yes, he will.

David Ahmed: Or what?

D.D.A. Andrea Hobbs: Or what's about to happen to Mrs. Vega will happen to him.

Captain Sharon Raydor: We ran her prints. Your client's mother is wanted by Mexico as well; but, before she goes, perhaps she'll provide her son with a good example for once.

Rosa Vega: [screams] No! No! You can't do this!

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Rusty Beck: "As my mother had drifted further and further away under the influence of crack and finally disappeared, in a curious contradiction of our circumstances, her affect on the choices I make has only increased. I sometimes wonder why she cannot choose me over using drugs, but I will never wonder if I will do that to other people. And I won't run away from problems again, no matter how threatening they may seem. These are the lessons my mother taught me, even as she failed to learn them herself."

Captain Sharon Raydor: That was very good. Very you.

Rusty Beck: For better or for worse?

Captain Sharon Raydor: Oh, for better. Very, very much better.

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Jason Andrews: [during a high speed chase] Uh, Det. Sanchez, if it's "s-safety first"...

Lt. Mike Tao: [observing traffic at intersections] Clear.

Jason Andrews: ...shouldn't you be wearing your seatbelt?

Detective Julio Sanchez: No.

Lt. Mike Tao: Clear. Clear.

Jason Andrews: It's, like, the law, though, right?

Detective Julio Sanchez: If somebody shoots at us, I wanna get out of the car, maybe jump out of the way. Seatbelts can get you killed.

[Jason moves to remove his seatbelt]

Detective Julio Sanchez: Don't do that.

Jason Andrews: Why not?

Lt. Mike Tao: If you hurt yourself through a crash, we have liability issues.

Detective Julio Sanchez: But if you get shot, we're off the hook, 'cause you signed a release.

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Jason Andrews: So now you can arrest this guy.

Lt. Mike Tao: For what?

Jason Andrews: He's covered in human blood.

Captain Sharon Raydor: Which is not a crime; but, he left his trunk lid in the street littering, reckless driving, and without a license, and perhaps he didn't use his signal when turning.

Amy Sykes: Three or more moving violations while refusing to pull over, that's felony evasion. Great idea, Captain.

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Lt. Andy Flynn: Hold my cleanse.

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