Pirates of Somalia (2017)
Evan Peters: Jay Bahadur
Seymour Tolbin : Name's... Seymour Tolbin.
Jay Bahadur : Seymour Tolbin?
Seymour Tolbin : Yeah.
Jay Bahadur : Oh my God, you're one of my favorite journalists of all time!
Seymour Tolbin : So you're a journalist?
Jay Bahadur : No. I mean... yeah, I wanna be.
Seymour Tolbin : You wanna make it as some big journalist, you gotta go somewhere... crazy.
Jay Bahadur : That's me behind the wheel... Jay Bahadur, proud college graduate of the class of 2007... arguably the worst year since the Great Depression to graduate school.
Jay Bahadur : Why do all rejection letters have the word "unfortunately" in the first sentence?... Surely there is a more original adverb to toss in there... I vow that I will never write for a publication that uses the word "unfortunately" in their first sentence... I am better than that.
Jay Bahadur : Hey, I got an idea for a story I'm gonna submit. It came to me when I was listening to CBC Radio today.
Alex : What's... what's the angle?
Jay Bahadur : The end of the comedic dictator. Kim Jong is on his death bed, and once he goes, where's the dictator comedy gonna come from?
Alex : Mahmoud Ahmadinejad... He's funny and very alive.
Jay Bahadur : He's not funny.
Alex : He's a little funny.
Jay Bahadur : He's a little funny, but no one can pronounce his name.
Jay Bahadur : Name's Bahadur, here to see Dr. Fleshman about my back.
Katlyn : Have you ever been here before?
Jay Bahadur : No.
Katlyn : All right, you'll just need to fill out these forms.
Jay Bahadur : Right.
Katlyn : You okay?
Jay Bahadur : Yeah, I just hurt my back, figured I'd get a jump on being a senior citizen.
Seymour Tolbin : So, you busting on grey hairs? To make a move on Kaitlyn, eh?
Jay Bahadur : Excuse me?
Seymour Tolbin : That's all right, I understand... I'd take down all of humanity just to bang her.
Jay Bahadur : I never understood cigars.
Jay Bahadur : [on the phone, having difficulty in pronouncing the greeting in Somali and finally giving up] Assalamu-ciao