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Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
Foxxy Groovy Baby
Comedies are normally not my cup of tea, but this one is a great laugh riot, because "Goldmember" is by far the best installment of the Austin Powers series: the first part was only mediocre and the second quite okay, but this one is over the top! The jokes fly like bullets from a machine gun, even though some gags can be very disgusting like the appearances of Scotish villian Fat Bastard for example... It´s also really funny to read how many Dutch users here complain about Goldmember´s accent... Take it easy, guys!! The next time it´s up to us Germans again... Another attraction of this film is the amazing star ensemble which includes Tom Cruise, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kevin Spacey, Danny de Vito, Britney Spears, Steven Spielberg, The Osbournes... However the greatest performances come from Verne Troyer as "Mini Me" and Beyoncé Knowles as "Foxxy Cleopatra"! I´m not a fan of Destiny´s Child, but this chick is absolutely hot and surprisingly talented! If you her role check out the Pam Grier originals "Foxy Brown", "Coffy" or "Arena"!
Guys, forget everything you´ve heard about this film: first of all, forget about Michael Myers, you won´t find him in this flick! Apart from its title, "Halloween III" has got NOTHING to do with the rest of the series! However, Tommy Lee Wallace´s movie can be quite entertaining - as long as you don´t take it too serious, because the plot is pure nonsense: explosive masks which kill children while watching a commercial on TV... What a joke!!! After all "Halloween III" looks like the horror film version of Barry Levinson´s "Toys": killer robots, dangerous toys - the series has never been more ridiculous than it was in this part! Unfortunately, the version that I saw was cut, so I can only guess about the gore... Horror veteran Tom Atkins ("Maniac Cop", "Bruiser") saves this film from being too mediocre. Like I said in the beginning of my review it´s not a bad movie, but Rick Rosenthal´s "Halloween II" is still the best sequel!
"Hardgore/Horror Whore" is a curious mixture between hardcore porn and gore movie, filmed in the 1970s, when the film makers still had inspirations and a sense for the grotesque. The story is about a young girl who´s taken to a private clinic where the female patients are forced to take part at satanic sex orgies. However, afterwards they all get killed violently by the doctors and the attendants... Indeed a strange flick, but interesting to watch and very entertaining! The whole film has sometimes a very psychedelic feeling, like a trip on drugs, and director Michael Hugo did a great job with creating a nightmarish atmosphere! Especially the dream-sequence when the main actresses is fizzed all over with the sperm of three rocket dicks is the climax of the whole film! And such nasty killing scenes like an orgasm-beheading or a cut off dick enhance "Hardgore" over the usual porn standard and bring it almost on the level of a Joe D´Amato movie! This gem is really hard to find, but Something Weird Video features it in its freaky catalogue... So if you like your stuff nasty, disturbing and sleazy check out this flick whenever you´ve got the chance!!!
Blood Feast (1963)
A cult classic with historical values for the genre!
Hershell Gordon Lewis´ "Blood Feast" was the first gore movie ever made and it´s remembered by the most for its bad special F/X and the ridiculous acting! However, it would be more than unfair to call it a bad film, because this little classic has more entertainment values than most of Hollywood´s high budget productions!
The story is about a weird old guy named Fuad Ramses who runs a catering service, but actually he´s possessed by the idea to bring back the deceased Egyptian Queen Ishtar into life by stealing the guts of some young women...
This film doesn´t run longer than one hour, but it has a great value for the horror genre and it´s essential for every gorehound! Even John Water´s tributed "Blood Feast" with a short screen shot in his "Serial Mom"(1994). Watch it and have a lot of fun! Cheers, Hershell!!
Hell Up in Harlem (1973)
Even more black coolness!
Another kick ass blaxploitation classic, director Larry Cohen really knows his stuff! "Hell Up in Harlem" features even more action than it´s great predecessor "Black Caesar" does! It´s a fast-paced crime story about the rise and fall of an Afro American godfather and everybody who loves such blaxploitations goodies like "Dolemite", "Blacula" or "Foxy Brown" should give it a look! Once more, main actor is the ultimate coolness and it´s no wonder why Quentin Tarantino digged him out for his funny "From Dusk Till Dawn" movie. Unfortunately, they don´t make stuff like this anymore! Movies like "Dead Presidents" or "New Jack City" are nothing else but failed attempts to exhume the blaxploitation genre! Better watch the originals again, they are da real deal!
Why, Romero, why?!?
George A. Romero gave us some of the best horror films ever! "Night of the Living Dead", "Martin", "Dawn of the Dead" or "Day of the Dead" are absolute classics of the genre! But since his "Monkey Shines" (1988) you can´t call Romero a master of horrors anymore, and his latest work "Bruiser" is the definitive low point in his career! The director tried to make something like an up-to-date horror movie, but he failed terribly, because this flick is nothing else like the 1000st version of 1990s mainstream crap à la "Scream", "Urban Legends" or "Final Destination": clean and polished horror with stylish picture, pseudo-cool twaddle, unbearable political correctness and endless boredom! The typical social critics or the highbrow depths of Romero´s elder works are totally missing as well as the personal note you used to get from his classics! Another annoyance is Peter Stormare´s role as sexist and arrogant manager guy Milo Styles! Stormare, who was great in films like "Fargo" and the only good thing in "8MM" extremely strains the audience´s nerves with his penetrant overacting! Main actor Jason Flemyng stays pale in the truest meaning of the word and even horror veteran Tom Atkins ("Halloween III", "Maniac Cop") could not save the film! A totally unnecessary flick
Black Caesar (1973)
Larry Cohen´s "Black Caesar" is next to the amazing "Foxy Brown" one of my absolute favorite Blaxploitation movies! It´s full of heavy gun violence, cynical humor and Fred Williamson in the lead is probably the coolest male Afro American actor of the 1970s! Take also note of the funky disco soundtrack by the Godfather of Soul James Brown! Will catch the indirect sequel "Hell Up in Harlem" soon, so watch out for my upcoming review!
Just a normal Asian soft sex film with a good camera work, stylish pictures and some quite pretty actresses. These were the positive aspects of the film. The negative ones: scanty horror elements, almost endless boredom, nothing obscure or bizarre you´re used to find in many other Asians movies! Only the last 15 minutes are fast-paced and suspense-packed, but if you have broke off before you don´t miss a thing! Just another film that the world doesn´t need...
Xue lian II (1995)
Grosser than part one!
The second part of the "Trilogy of Lust"-series tells the story about a woman who suffers from a childhood trauma when she was brutally raped by her uncle and his stinky booze companions. Now as an adult she leads two different lives: during the day she´s the upright manager of a firm, but at night she goes on murderous sprees, dressed in sexy rubber and latex costumes, to have sex with unsuspecting men. After the sexual intercourse she kills them violently and collects body parts like ears or noses as her trophies...
In contrast to the first part "Portrait of a Sex Killer" is no hardcore porn, but it has a much better developed story and also some really nasty killing scenes: one guy is tortured to death with the help of a nailgun, another has to serve as a human buffet... and also the two gang bang rapes this movie features are pretty disturbing! Julie Riva ("Bunman - The Untold Story") does a great job as ice cold revenging angel, next to Camille Keaton from "I Spit on your Grave" she´s probably the most frightening angry maltreaten woman ever in a film! So if you are into 1990s Asian cinema and you can also stand some explicit sex, torture and obscure killings then check this out!
Xue lian (1995)
Don´t expect anything great!
The story of this film is about a sensitive poor girl which gets sold to a moronic fish dealer who wants to do some perverse sexual practices with her. However, she falls in love with a young gardener boy and both start having a passionate sex affair. After this guy kills the fish dealer and his mother they have to flee from the police, what finally leads to their suicides...
The video label which distributes the first part of "Trilogy of Lust" here in Germany advertised it as "one of the most scandalous films of the 1990s". Now I am a huge fan of Asian cinema and after lots of culty or gruesome stuff like "The Audition", "Men behind the Sun", the Takeshi Kitano films etc. I had high expectations before I watched this. However, the result was a little disappointment, because "Xue lian" is nothing but a normal hardcore porn where the main actress constantly has sex with the same man. Some featured stuff is quite obscure and the climaxes are a scene where a woman get stimulated by an egg, a tame bondage sequence and a faked anal fist f*ck. The rest is business as usual! Personally, I prefer a film like "Tokyo Decadence" to this one, because TD is more stylish, better acted and has a much more developed plot... I will watch part two and three of the "Trilogy of Lust"-series soon, hope they will deliver more than the mediocre original does!
Zombi 3 (1988)
Not good, not bad
I was quite distrustful before I watched "Zombi 3" for the first time, because of all the bad things I´ve heard about it. However, the result is completely different: the film is nothing else but a total rip-off from George A. Romero´s classic "The Crazies" as well as Umberto Lenzi´s hilarious trashfest "Nightmare City" - even the toxic polluted mutants look exactly the same they did in Lenzi´s film before! Nevertheless "Zombi 3" can be quite enjoyable: it´s a fast-paced, suspense-packed film with tons of gore like exploding heads, blood´n guts and as a climax a flying zombie head which is the biggest laugh riot I´ve ever seen in a horror film! The acting is poor, even compared to the normal Italian standard it lacks, but the radio DJ is over the top! Fulci did well when he quit the project for not having a second class rip-off in his filmography! However, "Zombi 3" is exactly the right stuff for rainy Sundays or when you´ve already seen all other horror classics from your local video store - then give it a fair chance! 6 out of 10
This is how intelligent horror looks like!
George A. Romero´s "Martin" is probably one of the most intelligent horror films I´ve ever seen! It uses elements from serial killer movies, psycho dramas and vampire thrillers and mixes them to a unique combination. Okay, people who think in clichés and stereotypes should be warned, because the film doesn´t deliver the adrenalizing action of "Dawn of the Dead" or the gore galore of its sequel "Day of the Dead": "Martin" may be even a little bit slow-paced at times, but that´s because Romero doesn´t concentrate on superficial action here, he´s more interested in developing the soulish depths of his main figure. And the sinister black/white-flashbacks, where you can see explicit actions of Catholic exorcism add some real bizarre impression to the sad mood of Romero´s masterpiece. Main actor John Amplas is brilliant in playing the young disturbed man and it´s not understandable to me why he never reached the status of a cult star or got more roles in other films..? But also the movie itself gets less praise and attention than it actually deserves! An underrated masterpiece if you ask me!!!
'Sheba, Baby' (1975)
Not that bad, people!
In comparison to classics like "Foxy Brown" or "Coffy" this one obviously looses, but the film itself is not that bad as some people claim! Okay, it maybe looks more like the episode of a 1970s TV serial than a movie for the big screen, but it has got some decent entertainment values, although the above mentioned films were more violent and sexy. Once more Pam Grier plays a revenging lady which does away with some corrupt guys who killed her father. This amazing main actress it definitely the coolest Afro American actress on our planet and it´s a shame that she´s nowadays wasted in quite meaningless stuff like John Carpenter´s "Ghosts of Mars"! Another memorable part is given by Austin Stroker, a forgotten 1970s actor, who was great in films like "Assault on Precinct 13" (Made in the times when Carpenter still shot good movies...) or "Battle for the Planet of the Apes". Better watch "Foxy Brown" or "Coffy" first to see some real Pam Grier Blaxploitation classics, but you can easily check out "Sheba, Baby" without that feeling to have your time wasted!
La comtesse noire (1973)
The art of horror and sexploitation
The story of "Les Avaleuses" is about a beautiful vampire lady who lives for centuries on a Spanish island and needs blood as well as male sperm to survive... Even though the film sometimes has got some lengths and real dialogues are quite rare, "The Female Vampires" can be truly enjoyable as long as you are a serious fan of early 1970s Euro sleaze! Director Jess Franco deserves my whole respect for creating a wonderful gothic atmosphere. The acting skills of main actress Lina Romay are quite well, but her physically performances are even better! This film was released under dozens of titles like "La Comtess Noire", "Lady Dracula 2", "Erotic Kill"..., but I think the number of all different cut versions is not much lower..! The version that I watched took about 90 minutes and contains a blow job scene, a short S&M sequence and some vagina action. But I know there is a film with even more than 100 minutes existing, including some real hardcore pornography. But no matter which version you watch, "Les Avaleuses" is a unique sexploitation experience and definitely one of Franco´s best movies ever!
Tendre et perverse Emanuelle (1973)
Boy, this film is so unbelievable boring that I´m wondering how anybody could watch it longer than five minutes without falling into sleep! "Tender and perverse Emanuelle" is nothing but a usual 1970s soft sex movie with some scanty hardcore elements and an extremely thin thriller plot. Only the great psychedelic 1970s flair (Which was much better in "Vampyros Lesbos"!) and the typical Franco-cast featuring Lina Romay/Jack Taylor save this film from total disgrace! Don´t waste your precious time with stuff like this! And if you can´t sleep - try to count some sheep!
The Crazies (1973)
Trixie, a German virus?!?
"The Crazies" is a pretty good low budget shocker and probably one of the best virus thrillers ever made! So forget Wolfgang Peterson´s worthless Hollywood borer "Outbreak" from 1997: Instead of a high budget and overpaid stars Romero put an apocalyptic atmosphere, lots of suspense and some social critics into his film. No choose what´s better... But there´s even more than that, because without "The Crazies" Romero´s mega classic "Dawn of the Dead" would not have been possible! Both films are connected with lots of parallels, DOTD is a consequent development from the basics this movie delivered! By the way, some scenes were shot in the same old farmhouse the director already filmed "Night of the living Dead" before..!
Faces of Death (1978)
If you liked this...
I remember seeing this documentary back 1992 in the religion lesson. The handled theme was about death, dying, capital punishment and so on. Fortunately, we had a cool teacher who let us watch "Faces of Death", so this was my first contact with that sort of film. Some of my class mates walked out of the room while the film was running, to me it had the character of the news you see every evening on television, however I couldn´t not understand how somebody really can go out to the video store and rent films like "Faces of Death". It was strong stuff, hard to stand, especially for a 17 year old! Recently I heard that the most scenes are faked, but it doesn´t give a better impression to me... Anyway, this is the kind of movie where I draw the line: I have no problems in watching sick and disturbing horror films - as long as they are still movies! However, if you find it entertaining to watch real atrocities - get some help!!! (No matter if they are faked or not!)
Wham! Bam! Thank you, Pam!
What a great film! After seeing "Friday Foster" last week which was a quite disappointment Pam found back to old qualities with this movie! The nerve-straining and tame political correctness of "Friday Foster" is fortunately totally missing, because "Coffy" follows straight up to some unwritten genre laws: the white are the bad guys, black ones the good - that´s how the rules of blaxploitation normally function! The story is simple: nurse Coffy takes revenge for her little sister, who was maltreated by the drug syndicate. Sometimes the film reminded me on Michael Winner´s "Death Wish", however Charles Bronson is a little milk boy in comparison to the tough and sexy Coffy: Pam shows her breasts every five minutes and when she doesn´t she kills a dozens of people instead. The scene when she blows away the head of an evil pimp is next to William Lustig´s "Maniac" the greatest headshot ever featured in a film! Loved also the hilarious girl brawl at the buffet! A great fun flick!!
Friday Foster (1975)
Blaxploitation for kids!
"Friday Foster" - the reputation of this work is more legendary than the film itself. I was quite disappointed when I saw it for the first time, because it didn´t deliver the typical kickass madness you normally get from a Pam Grier movie! The storyline is tame, the forced political correctness is only pesky and the whole stuff lacks in violence and sex, so prepare for blaxploitation in its mildest form! If you want to be entertained somehow watch out for the performances of genre greats like Yaphet Kotto, Carl Weathers, Eartha Kitt, Scatman Crothers or Thalmus Rasulala! Their fine acting improves this average film considerably. Main actress Pam Grier is convincing in the lead, but she´s not that sexy and tough as she was in "Coffy" or "Foxy Brown"! A quite unspectacular film, nothing special at all!
It´s quite a long time ago since if seen this German attempt to make a horror film, but then IMDb didn´t submit my review for reasons I don´t know..! Now this is my next try! Anyway, my opinion hasn´t changed, I still consider "Anatomie" more as a movie for television then for the big screen! There´s too much talk, an immense lack in gore and suspense, and the acting of fine German actors like Benno Führmann or even Franka Potente, whom I liked much better in the fabulous "Lola rennt", is just mediocre. The best moments has Anna Loos playing a horny little slut and her appearance is the only thing that brings a little tension into the plot! And, yes, the corpses looked quite scary... "Anatomie" was a huge success at the box offices in my home country Germany, however it is just another proof to me that commercial success doesn´t make a good film! At the moment they´re shooting "Anatomie 2", just after the old Hollywood rule, to make a sequel to every successful movie! If you really want to see a good German horror film from the 1990s check out the much funnier and gorier "Flashback - Mörderische Ferien" instead!
Race with the Devil (1975)
The last 15 seconds were really great!
Next to "Anatomie" which I reviewed today another flick that I saw quite long time ago... When I watched "Race with the Devil" it was nothing special to me, the film just didn´t deliver! Jack Starrett´s work was something like the B-movie version of Roman Polanski´s "Rosemary´s Baby" - just without the intelligent plot and the menacing suspense. Peter Fonda was fine in the lead, but the film had too many lenghts to be really convincing or entertaining! Only the last 15 seconds were well done with suspense and atmosphere, but they couln´t save the rest anymore! If you like B-movies of the 1970s give it a chance, otherwise you don´t miss anything!
Foxy Brown (1974)
Cool and funky flick!
"Foxy Brown" is probably the prototype of a typical blaxploitation classic. It´s full of sadistic violence and explicit sex. If you´re in search for political correctness, forget it - this flick delivers sex´n crime en masse! Okay, because of the thin plot and the low budget "Foxy Brown" was made of the film seems more to be the episode of a TV series than a production for the theatres, but its amazing main actress Pam Grier will blow you away! Next to Dyanne "Ilsa" Thorne Pam´s my absolute favorite actress from the 1970s and I know I´m not alone with my opinion... Foxy´s hot, unbelievable sexy and moreover one of the toughest heroines ever brought onto the screen. Not to forget Willie Hutch´s fantastic funky discosoul score, which brings the 1970s spirit back to life! The world needs more women like Foxy and more films like that!!
Greta - Haus ohne Männer (1977)
Satan is female!
I´ve always been a huge fan of the wonderful depraved Ilsa-series: "She Wolf of the SS" is a classic sexploitation sicko, "Harem Keeper" a funny desert adventure and "Tigress" a silly but entertaining secret agent story. However, Jess Franco´s more indirect sequel is the most disturbing one, because "The Wicked Warden" is most realistic installment and the silly humor of the other parts is totally missing. The WIP-part of the series.
So get ready for a range of all thinkable sickness like violent torture with whips and electro shocks, snuff movies or a gruesome mass rape sequence, which brings director Jess Franco almost on the same level as a Joe D´Amato or a Bruno Mattei! The final Ilsa-munch is one of the most disgusting scenes ever, although it reminded me somehow on the showdown in William Lustig´s "Maniac" (1980)...
Not to forget its unique main actress Dyanne Thorne who is damn hot, even with over forty! Dyanne makes the whole film, ever scene is hers! God, how I love that woman! Franco´s darling Lina Romay looks pretty pale in comparison..!
"The Wicked Warden" is a sicko de luxe: realistic background, disturbing violence and hot sex! What do you want more?!? Go and see it now!!!
Yep, Dario Argento´s directing debut is a real masterpiece! Freely based on a novel from British writer Edgar Wallace this film is by far not as silly and naive as the German Wallace-movies from the 1960s are. Argento did a great job with developing a twisted plot what sometimes even leads to Hitchcock-like moments, so there´s no doubt that the end features a surprise you wouldn´t expect! I also loved the elegant and beautiful style of "The Bird with the Crystal Plumage"! Here, the director made a great beginning with his brilliant photography, what he later brought to perfection in films like "Profondo Rosso" or "Tenebre"! Fantastic! Stunning! Need I say more?!?
Vampyros Lesbos (1971)
Pure psychedelic brilliance!
I was very curious to see this film after having heard so many things about it! And indeed, "Vampyros Lesbos" even exceeded my expectations! Loaded with symbolic language, an almost dream-like atmosphere, unusual camera angles, a fantastic score and some Franco typical lesbian soft sex the Spanish director created an absolute masterpiece of Europe´s early 1970s sleazy cinema. Both main actresses Soledad Miranda and Ewa Strömberg are excellent in the lead and maybe one of the hottest lesbian couples ever brought on the screen. Some people may find it boring, cheap and eventless, but "Las Vampiras" is not a film you should watch about story or suspense! It is a brilliant mixture of art and trash, and I was truly surprised what great film it is after having seen so many different works of the director. This gem is a pure trip into surreality: Wonderful! Psychedelic! Watch it and LIVE!