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A bad influence on the genre
I think that at this point in time we can all agree that the whole torture fad was an embarrassing period in horror history. During the era, directors thought that merely being unpleasant was enough to make their films scary. Unfortunately for them, that wasn't the case. The films lacked suspense and originality, and they didn't even have the trashiness that provides entertainment value to all but the worst of older horror films. Instead, we got plodding, idiotic, clinically directed films without scares or even unintentional humor. What the genre needs is to abandon CGI effects, and try to return to proper horror like that represented by directors like Romero, Carpenter, or Cronenberg (or even Roger Corman, Herschel Gordon Lewis, and Ed Wood, to go a different route; it would still be much better than this).
Normally I love horror, but this was just inane
Few films have had a more negative effect on the horror genre than Saw. It's inexplicable success led to the genre being flooded with even worse (which one wouldn't expect to be possible) imitators, creating a period where virtually nothing interesting came out in the genre. The problem with this type of film is simply that it just isn't interesting. It's not scary, it's basically just a long boring catalogue of ways that people can be injured, with no suspense or speak of. Despite the superficial similarities to the slasher genre, the two styles are worlds apart, in that slasher movies build up tension between the deaths, while torture films are flat and unengaging. Also, the whole aesthetic style associated with genre (lots of rust, muddy camerawork, annoying soundtrack) is ugly, I much prefer older horror aesthetics, with their lurid colours and unconvincing effects, which still manage to be more frightening than the tedium of post-Saw horror. We need a return to the style of real horror directors like George Romero and John Carpenter (ideally with exclusively practical effects, none of the CGI rubbish that dominates the industry today; a VHS revival would be nice too) instead of the ridiculous claptrap that gets marketed as horror today (oka, there are some good directors working now, but my point still stands).
Funny Games (2007)
The Last House On The Left, but for puritans
Irritating pseudo-intellectual rubbish, purporting to be progressive but concealing puritanical sentiments worthy of Mary Whitehouse. Essentially, this is a diatribe about how horror is bad because it is violent, without giving any real justification for the argument besides a moral one, which is easily dismissed. Yes, this is essentially the same argument thrown about by puritans who would rather force us all to watch drab romances and tedious dramas rather than horror. Now, I happen to find most non-horror cinema to be rather boring (normal people don't interest me, and movies about them interest me even less), so it's fairly obvious why I would dislike this, but the whole thing simply isn't interesting enough to function as a proper film in the first place. The film is also hypocritical in that it takes the elements of torture films like Saw (I don't even like torture films, I prefer 50s b-movies and 80s trash horror), and uses them to try to shove morality down our throats. Just watch Blood Feast instead.
Funny Games (1997)
Pretentious, moralistic, hypocritical rubbish
A film that tries to make a point about horror cinema (one which I do not agree with, I must add), all while indulging in exactly what I claims to condemn. I can't help but be puzzled by the director's decision to even make movies, he clearly despises film. One thing that I can't stand is being lectured to, and this film is essentially just the director ranting about how bad horror is. Naturally, I cannot relate to that position, I tend to find non-horror work to generally be rather dull (non-horror b-movies being excepted, of course; I always enjoy a good b-movie, regardless of genre). In effect, this is Mary Whitehouse-level "all this awful violence and horror is corrupting the youths" type puritanical extremism masquerading as provocative intellectual cinema. I would rank the director down there with Michael Bay and Lars Von Tripe as world's worst director. Now, I'll be off to watch some video nasties, hope it bothers all you puritans out there.
The Beatniks (1960)
One of the few b-movies I didn't enjoy
Normally I find b-movies (or at least, pre-1990s ones) quite enjoyable, regardless of how poorly made they are. This is one of the rare ones (alongside Racket Girls, The Catalina Caper, and The Beast Of Yucca Flats) that I didn't especially enjoy. Even worse, I couldn't even finish it. This is coming from someone who enjoyed The Astro-zombies, so if I say that something is bad, you can trust me. Not recommended.
Just watch the original
This is pretty much just a rip-off of Warning From Space, only without the giant talking starfish that play tennis and impersonate pop singers; gratuitous stock footage; and subplot about the yakuza. In other words, the lame version. Just watch the original, it's much better than this pretentious rubbish. And Trier, your whole Dogma 90whatever rubbish doesn't work, nothing that came out of that "movement" is worth my trouble. I'm sticking to b-movies. At least Ed Wood, Herschel Gordon Lewis, Roger Corman, Ray Dennis Steckler, and other directors that mainstream critics consider "bad" can make interesting and enjoyable films, unlike legitimately bad directors like Von Tripe here. Honestly, he might be my least favourite director (yes, he's even worse than Michael Bay, somehow).
Catalina Caper (1967)
If Little Richard can't save your film, it's probably beyond help
Generally speaking, I am someone who enjoys movies that other people consider bad; so if I have to struggle to get through your film (and it's not some kind of lame historical epic award bait thing), you're in trouble. I am likely the only person on earth who would place The Astro-Zombies in my list of top five favourite movies, when many other people find it unwatchable. Sit me down with some low budget horror film that no one has heard of, and I will probably enjoy it, even if I am the only person on earth who does. And knowing that this has one of my favourite musicians in it, I was expecting to enjoy it. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Little Richard was only in one scene (and was given a sub-par song to perform), and the rest was mostly a lot of dull scenes of teen-agers playing volleyball, which is not something that I have any particular interest in. I guess the beach party genre isn't for me.
Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
The sequels were better
The first film in the long running franchise, this one is far from the best. The drama oriented approach of this one and the second film (Kramer vs Kramer: Dawn Of Justice) doesn't work as well as the action/horror blend that began with the third, and possibly the best, entry (Kramer vs Mothra). With the fourth entry (Kramer vs Frankenstein) we see the addition of Neil Breen to the recurring cast, in one of the franchise's most beloved characters. With Kramer vs Kramer vs Alien vs Predator, we begin to see the beginnings of the Kramer cinematic universe. Kramer vs The Invisible Man, however, sees a temporary return to the drama based style of the original film, which continues through Kramer vs Mechagodzilla, Kramer vs The Beast Of Yucca Flats, and Kramer vs The Terminator. Kramer vs The Wolfman, another popular entry, returns to the b-movie style that made the series popular, which contrasts to the bizarre comedy style of Kramer vs The Exorcist. After the ill-advised Kramer vs Abbott and Costello, Kramer vs The Killer Klowns From Outer Space was seen as a return to form, which continued through Kramer vs The Driller Killer, Kramer vs The Mummy (which killed off Dustin Hoffman's character), Kramer vs The Disco Godfather, and Kramer vs Samurai Cop. After a few middling entries, including Kramer vs Kazaam, Kramer vs The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Kramer vs The Toxic Slime Creature, the producers attempted to appeal to younger audiences with Kramer vs The Creature From The Black Lagoon. This one, which replaced Merely Streep with Lindsay Lohan (who remained in the role for the next few entries), was poorly received when it came out, but has since developed a cult following. More changes were introduced in the widely disliked Kramer vs Freddy Vs Jason, where Hoffman is reincarnated as a cartoon ferret who speaks in 90s teen slang (voiced by Pauly Shore). Shore's rap number is considered the low point of the series by many critics. The next entry, Kramer vs The Astro-zombies, was viewed as a return to form. The series retained a moderate rate of success through Kramer vs The Teenagers From Outer Space, Kramer vs Dracula, Kramer vs The Cannibal Girls, Kramer vs Reptilicus, Kramer vs The Brady Bunch, and the animated TV special, Kramer vs Scooby Doo. Perhaps the most experimental one was the live new year's special, simply titled Kramer vs; in which anyone could come on the air and challenge Lohan to a fight. The direct to VHS entry Kramer vs The Robot Monster was surprisingly popular, and lead to the release of the controversial Kramer vs Pee-Wee Herman. The cult classic TV miniseries Kramer vs The Simpsons followed, with each episode pitting Kramer against a different character (the episode Kramer vs Ned Flanders is considered a standout). More traditional was Kramer vs The Blob, which is considered one of the best from the series' modern period. The series continues to the present day, with Kramer vs Eegah, Kramer vs Manos: The Hands Of Fate, Kramer vs The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed Up Zombies, Kramer vs Starcrash, Kramer vs King Kong, Kramer vs The Human Vapor, Kramer vs The Toxic Avenger, Kramer vs The Smog Monster, Kramer vs The Brain That Wouldn't Die, Kramer vs The Master Of The Flying Guillotine, Kramer vs Captain Alex, Kramer vs Goke : Body Snatcher From Hell, Kramer Vs The Wicker Man, Kramer vs The Kung Fu Zombie, Kramer vs The A-Team, Kramer vs The Incredible Melting Man, Kramer vs The X From Outer Space, Kramer vs The Horror Of Party Beach, Kramer vs The Teen-age Cave Man, Kramer vs Pokemon, Kramer vs Motorpsycho, Kramer vs The Berenstain Bears, Kramer vs The Wizard Of Gore, Kramer vs Blood Freak, Kramer vs Spongebob, Kramer vs The Evil Dead, Kramer vs The Super Mario Bros, Kramer vs The Werewolves On Wheels, Kramer vs The Valley Of The Dolls, Kramer vs Deathstalker, Kramer vs Breakin, Kramer vs The Spacemonster, Kramer vs Maniac Cop, Kramer vs Ferris Bueller, Kramer vs The Lawnmower Man, Kramer vs Police Academy, Kramer vs The Room, Kramer vs The State Of Michigan, Kramer vs Citizen Kain, Kramer vs Ichi The Killer, Kramer vs Cosmo Kramer, Kramer vs The Bride Of Frankenstein, Kramer vs The Children Of The Corn, Kramer vs The Flintstones, Kramer vs Gruesome Twosome, Kramer vs Dolomite, Kramer vs The Mean Girls, and Kramer vs Jaws. To this day Kramer has not been defeated.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Above criticism, as far as I am concerned
Some films are strange enough that they defy classification. This is one of them. There are many weird low-budget films out there, but this one is one of the rare examples that becomes genuine outsider art (Tales From The Quadead Zone, The Meateater, A Night To Dismember, Weasels Rip My Flesh, Fateful Findings, and Death Bed: The Bed That Eats are the other films that I would consider to be outsider art). Yes, I am an unrepentant fan of trashy b-movies, but I don't care what any of you mainstream clowns think. This is a masterpiece.
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
Likely the greatest achievement in human culture
This film changed my life. It made me realize how dull most "good" movies are, and how supposedly "bad" movies are where you find most of the interesting work being done. Mainstream cinema has been creatively bankrupt for decades, and the advent of CGI has killed off any interest I may have once had in it. Citizen Cain? The Titanic? Gone With The Wind? Rubbish, I say. The most mainstream film I watched this year was the original Dawn Of The Dead, and I have no intention of seeing anything more popular. B-movies are all that's worth watching, and that's the final word on the subject.
The embodiment of everything wrong with cinema
There are few films that elicit in me such passionate loathing as this piece of utter rubbish. This is lacking in practically everything that ought to be in a movie. No aliens, no graphic scenes of cannibalism, no serial killers, monsters spawned by nuclear power, special effects obviously made from random objects found in the director's office, or surrealistic body horror. Also, no werewolves. I suppose the title should have given me a warning, it doesn't contain the phrases "blood", "invasion of the", "cannibal", "walks among us", "massacre", " meets Frankenstein", or "from outer space"; all of which are generally good indicators of quality cinema. It's also filmed in this weird artificial style, which I hate. Mainstream cinema fans might like this style, I prefer my films to look like they were made in someone's garage back in the 70s. And then there's that awful theme song. If you want a good movie theme song, listen to Surfing Dead by The Cramps, the theme from Return Of The Living Dead; by one of the finest bands in history. There is absolutely no reason to watch this, it essentially summarizes why I only watch B-movies. You could probably make 100 B-movies with this budget, and all of them would be more interesting. Just watch The Astro-zombies instead; now that's a good movie. Cameron has sunk far from his days doing special effects on Galaxy Of Terror (his best work by far. Who could forget the infamous worm scene?). Also, does anyone else think that Decaprio looks like a giant hairless squirrel?